An Old Book.

Me.

Does anyone even love me? Or do they hate me? Do they take pity of me because I'm weak? Maybe even idiotic. No-one cares for me right? Am I smart? Why do I even doubt myself? I Know I'm not good enough. I might as well give up. Maybe even commit... never mind. Something is wrong with me... When I close my eyes, I see someone being shot. It replays over my head. Replaying constantly. That possibly is me being shot.

 I'm thoughtless and drifting into my imagination. The sky is clear and blue as the ocean. I am relaxing with someone. I never really can see their face. Could it be someone who cares for me? When I am older, I will be happily married to someone who truly loves me. I will have 4 children. 2 boys and 2 girls. I will make them happy as much as I can. I will give them things that my parents did not five to me.

I know I will change in my birthday, 2 weeks time. As the time ticks I await for what is ahead of me now. I may look back into the past but look forward to the future. I will be someone successful, who does the right thing. I will never cry because my wishes came true. I don't like myself right now. But I will soon. I will learn to be someone unique, responsible, smart, and beautiful. I promise my wishes from now on will be to wish only 1 thing. The very same thing every year. 

If it comes true, someone cares. But if it isn't, I don't ever think that anyone whatsoever would love me for who I am. Just for what I have, Just for what I look, I'm not popular. I don't have friends to chose. They chose me. If they don't want me, I am alone. Always finding a true friend. It's crazy how just a small person like me is sad, alone, independent. 

People my age could be popular. Girls putting their skirts higher to appeal. And boys who'd play sports to impress. It's funny how we only care for that. If we act like that always =, will we ever have true friends? I may not have true friends now but soon. I will. There is no point to have friends for your stuff or for what you look like. They would merely be a fake friend. Even just a brainless follower. I am probably alone because I don't trust anyone. Not even my family or I, 

The reason I lie is because I always get the blame. I get mad because I am shouted at or insulted. No-one would ever love me? Why do I feel so alone? Isn't there anyone who cares for me? What if there isn't someone who cares for me? Would something really horrible happen to me? I want to be happy...

But I can't.

//That's the end of that. I feel like I still relate to this in some aspects but heck this is pretty deep\\