Jinmin SF|OS

둘

It's been :

Seven years since we met

Five years since we became lovers

Two years since we said our vows to each other

A year since we moved to a new home

and

A month since fate decided to bless you with an eternal slumber.

-     -     -

" Yeobo .." I said softly as I approached the tall , white slab of marble on the ground. It had a picture frame , two circular candle holders and an abundant amount of flowers adorning it. Kneeling down , I lit up the two candles and took the frame in my hands , caressing it.

-     -     -

It felt just like yesterday when you were still here with me.

Our palms meeting , fingers entwining , sharing warmth as it becomes one.

How soft and sweet your lips are , the way the corners of your mouth rose whenever I whispered sweet nothings into your ear.

How we exchanged random "I love you's" whenever we fall silent , how we give each other small pecks and rub our noses together when we become restless.

How you always comforted me when things were rough , how you cooed at me , how you always seemed to know the right words.

How ..

How you looked so pale on your deathbed.
How the beeps of your monitor filled the room.
How you reassured me with "It's okay's".
How you always had fits when the moon appears.
How the beeps became constant till it had no more breaks in-between  , piercing my ears.
How your torso stopped moving up and down.
How you didn't show me your sweet smile when the sun rose.

-     -     -

I took a deep breath , clenching the frame  and looked at the sky covered with grey , flat clouds. My eyes stung , throat tightening. I took a few minutes to control myself , to not let myself crumble down into a crying , snotty mess.

He wants me to smile for him.

He wants me to be happy for him.

I can't be weak now , at least not in front of him.

I looked at the photograph again , this time , trying to smile. I smiled as best as I can , showing my pearly whites. Clearing my throat , I started  ," Yeobo , remember how I promised to always be by your side ?"

"I know .. right now I'm not by your side , you won't allow me to. You'd tell me 'live your life to the fullest' or something like that , but .. I just ..- I don't know what to do without you anymore ! Everyday , I wake up to see your empty side of the bed , to not smell breakfast wafting in the air , to not seeing your awfully adorable smile , to not hear your laugh and giggles. To--" I stopped abruptly. My cheeks were heating up , my  jaw clenched and my vision was starting to get blurry.

"Yeobo .. " I trailed off , not knowing what to say anymore. I tried to search for something to say , but I kept failing every time I opened my mouth. I felt empty.

I sat at the same spot till the sun started to set , the sky changing from a dull grey , to bright , vivid colors like pink , orange and violet. The sky looked beautiful , it was beautiful. There were days where we just sat together and looked at the sunset till the sky went dark , and was full of twinkling lights.  If he was still here , I'd cling to him like a koala , hold his hand like my life depended on it , smother him with pecks , do all the tiny sweet gestures to him.

I didn't want to leave. There are days where I felt like camping in front of his grave , just to feel closer to him. I even visit everyday just to feel connected to him , to try and feel his presence. Finally deciding to leave , I gave a small peck to the photograph and put back where it belonged , stood up and looked at it one last time.

His round face , little chubby cheeks , plump lips , his almond eyes. I can't see them ever again , at least not physically.

"Kim ..- no , Park Seokjin , I love you. I'll always love you , not even can death do us part."

-     -     -

[ a/n ];
Yeobo (여보) - used when calling one's Husband or Wife .
I also could use Jagi (자기) but they were married so ..?

Are they all the same ?
Gosh I need to be educated more