Usually I love food but now all I see when I look at cake or crisps etc. is how much fatter they'll make me. I know that I'm not "overweight" but I feel fat. My stomach. My thighs. It just looks gargantuan to me. I was planning on not having breakfast or lunch today. I succeeded with having no breakfast but my mum made me sandwiches which I couldn't waste. Throwing them away would be a waste of her money (as if feeding me isn't) but leaving them at home she would find them and ask why I didn't take them.
When she shouted up to me that she'd made them I almost cried. You know when your about to cry and you feel the tears well up in your eyes, that was me this morning. I almost cried because my mum made sandwiches. I feel so ungrateful but I just can't help it.
I don't deserve anyone's time, money, effort, love or anything anyone gives me. I deserve to be cold, alone and unloved.
All that I've eaten today is a ham sandwich- I gave part of it to one of my friends, so not even that much! My stomach has growled a few times but I like the feeling of having an empty stomach.
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MY SELF HARM STORY/DIARY
RandomFrom how it started to where I am now. I will message anyone back with answers to any question they have about anything- I'm more than happy to; especially if it stops someone or just makes someone think twice about doing it.
