Dear Grandpa John,
It's been ten years and for all of those who said it would get better I wish to stick my middle finger out at. I was seven when it happened and I just want to say I am sorry. I am so sorry for not knowing what was happening and for forgetting about it, about you, year after year. I am really sorry for that. If I could turn back time and just at least remembered you those days I would. I feel like such a bad person. I know it might seem like I actually don't care, but I do care so much.
When it happened I didn't really know what it meat. To lose my grandfather. I didn't know it meant that my mother lost her father. Her rock. A man who was part of her life since day one and I can't help but compare that to my father, and if I was to lose my father right now I wouldn't know what I would do.
Sometimes I cry for her. I cry because I know how she might feel and she is just playing it down like nothing happened but I don't want my mommy to be sad. I don't have a picture right now to remember you by and I hope I never forget those light eyes or those wrinkly hands that would always welcome me into your lap. I just miss you so much.
One of my biggest fears is forgetting you. Forgetting that last day we spent together in your house. Forgetting those last sunsets together. It would kill me. You mean so much to me and I really hope where you are is a better place after all.
I am so sorry for being a bad granddaughter, I really am but I will try to remember from now on. I will do my best. December 20th, 2003 - The day that changed my life forever.
I love you so much Papo and I hope you remember me too wherever you are.
With love,
Yours always
...
