Trance

Chapter 20: Meeting her - once again

Her heels appear in my sight of vision first and I trail them upwards, my eyes pausing on her eyes. They're red as well. "Nirvaan," she says, taking a step closer to me.

I crumple my bedsheet in my hands and slide back into the bed. I don't know what to do. Do I let all this pent up anger out? Do I cry again, do I ask her to go or what? Do I tell her that ever since she's come in my life, she's given nothing but pain?

"She's dead."

My eyes lock onto Matsya's, hers filled with sadness while mine are filled with anger. "I shouldn't have even talked to you. I should have known that," I say, knowing how emotionless my eyes are and go much anger is filled in my voice. "And now, Amir is probably after me as well. Great."

"I've made Amir promise -"

"Did you not see how well that turned out last time?" I comment. She takes a step foward, her eyes burdened with eyes that hold more pain than it did yesterday. "Let Amir kill me. He can do whatever he wants. I don't care."

"Nirvaan!" she says, her eyes widening. I get off the bed, my hands letting go off the grip I had on my sheets. "You can't - what was the point of Tina dying then -"

"There wasn't a point to her death! Her death wasn't meant to happen. There was no reason why she needed to go, there's no meaning behind it. Tina is simply dead because of this!"

"What does this mean?" If effected by my harsh words, she didn't show it. Her eyes remain the shade of pain and she takes a step closer to me.

She's closer to me now, her body only a few centimetres out of reach. My hand holds her, tracing its way to her wrist until I hold her hand. "This. This is the problem and it'll always be," I finally say, my voice soft. I let go of her arm. "It's whatever we have between us, this connection."

The sparks that fly between us when we touch. The fact you seem to understand me so well. It's as if we were two lost pieces of a toy. We didn't know how much we needed each other until we met each other and when we did, everything made so much sense.

I let the words linger in my mouth, unwilling to say it out loud to her. I can't let her know how much I want her even after this. It's better to keep that a secret. Today is our last goodbye, our final farewell.

Even if Amir dies in some hole, I wouldn't ever go back to Matsya. I don't care if I'm never happy again - she's the reason why Tina is dead.

"Tina is dead because of you. If I never met you, none of this would have happen," I confided. "None of this would have happened. Tina would be alive, I would be happy, I would be safe and everyone I know would be as well."

"But -" she protests, her words fading away with the glare I shoot her. My eyes are dark, almost as angry as my voice sounds. I can't afford to loose this battle. I can't let Matsya still be in my life. "I'm sorry."

Her eyes are filling themselves with tears, getting fuller within the moment. She smiles at me when she sees that I'm watching her eyes and wipes a hand over her brown eyes. Like magic, the tears disappear and a fake smile appears in her lips, one that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

I feel like reaching out to her, holding her and hugging her until she finally drops this facade. It hurts seeing her like this, seeing her eyes hold so much pain.

But somehow, I feel like she deserves it. She's the one who let Tina die. I close my eyes, unwilling for tears to come out with her name. Every time I mention Tina's name, it's as if another blade is being stabbed into my heart and plunged out causally.

Either way, when I open my eyes, tears pool in them. Matsya notices, her forehead creasing in worry before she goes back into her fake smile. She's most likely realised how much this hurts me despite how tough I've tried to act.