Winter Air [H.S.]

Fourteen

Yet over the past few months the old Ava was slowly seeping through. She was fighting against the bitterness and was trying hard to make a reappearance. The joyful Ava was still there deep down. The young girl that believed in love and would look for the good things in life. She was still there. All she needed to do was to believe and it would come back. 

She knew in her heart that Harry was having a bigger impact than she led on. Just by being a friend and showing that he cared, she could feel her old self resurfacing. When she kissed him, she blamed it on the others that surrounded them. However she knew that was not entirely true. Her heart was beginning to yearn to be loved. It yearned to feel again - to feel the peace and joy that her parents once gave. He brought a sense of familiarity and safety. She knew that if he knew of her developing feelings he would get up and go. That was the last thing that she needed or even wanted. Everyone that she loved had left her or hurt her in some way. In the words of C.S. Lewis, To love at all is to be vulnerable. Vulnerability was something that Ava struggled with. However, she knew that to go back into the direction of love and hope, she needed to let vulnerability in. She knew only one person was remotely capable of helping her. That person being Harry. The curly haired book nerd who was against love but yet cared about her feverishly. Only time would tell if he too will feel the same - the need to be vulnerable again.

With the storm brewing outside, Harry had been unable to physically give his story rough draft to his publisher. Luckily technology was on his side and he was able to email it. Days had gone by and he was still waiting for a response. He knew that he gave everything that he could into his characters. He just wasn’t sure if that was enough. 

His phone began to buzz on his coffee table. Without looking at the screen he answered. 

“Hello?” His voice had held its usual roughness. 

“Harry, it’s Stanley. I just read over your rough draft and since I couldn’t meet you in person I thought I’d give you a call.” 

“What did you think?” He hadn’t been expecting a phone call so soon. It was safe to say that Harry was not mentally ready for any feedback. 

“I thought that you are headed in the right direction, but-” There was always a but. “But, I think you need to dig deeper into the characters emotions. What does Megan feel when she is falling in love? How does Aaron feel when he loses Megan? These are the things that I want to see you delve into more. You’re headed there I can see it. The emotions are still too subtle. They are too on the surface. I need more from you Harry! You have two weeks to give me another rough draft.” And with that he hung up. 

Stunned. That was what Harry was feeling in this moment. Stunned that he was not “showing enough emotion”. He thought that he had done well yet his publisher thought otherwise. 

Emotion. Emotion. Emotion. 

Harry could feel his chest tighten as his frustration and anger grew. Anything that was remotely breakable was at risk. Picking up the first thing he saw, a photograph of him and Delaine, he threw it against the wall. A loud crack could be heard throughout the otherwise quiet apartment. 

“Damn it!” 

The hot tears that he fought so long and hard to keep away began to flow. The flood gates had burst and all the pent up anger and emotion began to flee. This was not how he expected to feel after handing in his novel. 

Actually, he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to feel. Anger, however, was not on the top of his list. Yet here it was and at full force. 

“Damn it, damn it, damn it.” He could feel his anger turn into sorrow. He began to punch his beat up couch, attempting to let go of everything he was feeling. He could feel his hands begin to hurt and he slowly stopped. His breathing was heavy. A layer of sweat had formed across his forehead. He quickly picked up the broken pieces of his lost happiness. Without giving it a second thought, he threw it into the trash bin. 

He needed to move on. He knew that. 

She wanted him to. It was written in the letter that Levi had sent. Delaine had explained to Harry about the men that were after her. They had been her old pimps seeking revenge. She knew that she was in danger but had not wanted to worry Harry. He had done so much for her and he knew that he would have risked his life for her. She didn’t want that. She never felt worthy of his love. That was why she hid it from him.

“If I ever die know, my love, that I will always love you. If I leave this earth, do not pine for me. But instead learn to let go and to move on. Find the one that makes you happy.”

Her words lingered in his mind. “Find the one that makes you happy.” Harry knew that he had found her. Perhaps it was his stubbornness that was not letting him relinquish his old happiness and let the new in. He didn’t want to admit it out loud but he knew. Her chestnut locks and deep brown eyes. The way she would tilt her head back when she laughed and bit the inside of her lip when she was nervous. The way that he made her feel again- something that he long forgotten when Delaine passed away. 

Harry wouldn’t say that he was in love. He wouldn’t say that he was falling in love. Harry did know, however, that he wanted to be there for Ava whatever that meant. If that meant as a lover or friend, he would be there for her. 

He found the one that made him happy. 

--

Note: H & A have been friends for about 4-5 months. They had been getting to know each other over this time. This is why they are not in love, but they know that there is something special about the other person because sometimes you just know. 

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