Mistakes

prologue

        WARNING; This story has some content that could trigger some thoughts or feelings. Please be cautious. We 100% do not promote self harm. That being said, it barely comes up and this story is more about the relationships made.

Enjoy!

               Nothing prepares you for the pain you're going to feel. Pain is inevitable but this kind of pain just seems unbearable.  I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to live anymore. All I could think about was the sharp blade piercing my skin and ending all of it. Everyone expects me to have a reason. To know exactly what I'm doing; but the truth, is that I have no idea. There hasn't been a breaking point in my life. I just gave up. I don't feel like I have a purpose anymore.

               Being diagnosed with clinical depression is infuriating. I'm mad at myself for being this way, I'm mad at the world for doing this to me, and for the medications not working. But I am mostly just disappointed that I let myself get this way, that I let this happen.  I finally get my shaking hands to start writing my final thoughts and emotions onto the paper.

                Mom and Dad,

        Please know this isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. There is nothing you could have done.Please forgive me and yourself. Live the rest of your lives happily knowing I'm happier now.                                          Love, Aria Bradford

                Picking up my phone with tears flowing down my cheeks. 12:32 AM.  I select Stephan's name and type. "Goodbye forever, I love you. I'm sorry" I set my phone aside and pick up the blade I stole from art class. It was designed with such an innocent purpose. To create art, to sharpen a colored pencil. With this in mind I proceed to create my final masterpiece. I shove my long sleeve blue sweatshirt as far up my arm as I can, exposing the inner crease of my elbow. This crook is so soft and pale; untouched by life.I think maybe this is a better spot than a wrist, so cliche it is to cut on your wrist. I use to cut there, below my palm for all to see. Wearing bangles and long sleeves to hide the healing wounds. I've moved on, this isn't about attention. The soft blue veins call to me and I slash at one of them. Bawling, I scream at myself for not being brave enough to go deeper. Another slash, vertical this time.

             I think I must have passed out for a few minutes. It couldn't have been too much time though. I know I'm out of it; with dried tears on my cheeks and damp blood on my sheets. I look down at my phone 1:48 AM; just about an hour. I have a couple of messages.

Stephan : I can't talk right now but please don't do anything stupid.

Stephan: I love you.

             As I was reading the messages from Stephen, I notice an unfamiliar name in my DM's. Jackson? I felt my eyebrows wrinkle in confusion before opening the message.

Facebook message from Jackson: Aria this is Jackson, I'm Stephen's cousin. He is in a bit of trouble right now and can't message you. He told me that you may be struggling with something that I might have an understanding of.

             I sat in silence confused by what the message said. I don't want anybody's help, and I certainly don't need them to interfere with my life decisions. I think about it for a while; trying to think of how to reply and realize that I've made him wait for almost an hour before responding.

Aria: I'm fine thank you for your concern.

Jackson: Listen I know you don't know me, but I can help. I have been where you are. You can talk to me.

Aria: I just don't really want to talk about it right now.   

Jackson: I hear you are cutting...

              I didn't answer because I didn't know what to say, everything was happening so quickly. After a while I slowly felt my eyelids start to get heavy, and I finally drifted off.

A/N

So this whole story is basically a collaboration between my friends and I. We're working together pretty hard to make it sound good, with minimal errors. We're hoping to update at least once a week; it depends on if we can agree on everything :).  - Faith

This may or may not have some real life influence, but you don't know what.