Forever Never Lasts

Even Forever Must End

I stared at him in shock. "In case you forgot, I can't exactly die."

He shook his head. "No that's not what I mean. I mean for others, in general. Do you think there's such thing as another life where you are destined to fall in love with the same person every time, just in different ways."

I was about to reply 'no' but I stopped myself to seriously consider the question. "I don't know" I replied honestly. "I haven't really thought about it. I guess I do, but it still seems so unrealistic. So uncertain. What about you."

"I do." he answered without thought. "I believe in fate, and that it controls everything that happens. I believe that when you die, it's as if you're sleeping. Just dreaming and floating until you get recarnated. And then you come back to earth as a different person with a different life, but that you will always fall in love with the same person."

I let his word sink in. That's exactly what I always believed. Recarnation was the only thing that didn't make death seem like the end. That helped me believe that hope is always there, even after you die.

"That's what I think too." I replied.

"What if we could die." He asked. There was something sparking in his eyes. An emotion dancing in his pupils. But I couldn't work out what it meant. Couldn't interpret what it was saying.

"We can't." I said bluntly.

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but what if we could. What if we got to go back and make the choice again."

"Then I would choose to die. My fear of death is not as great as my fear of forever. I would prefer to face death than be immortal." I was looking at the idea like an opportunity, and I had to remind myself not to wish for things that cannot happen.

"Me too." he answered.

"Anyway," I sighed, changing the subject. "What did you do today?"

"Nothing much." He replied, instantly becoming guarded.  He grabbed a magazine off the coffee table to make himself look bored of the conversation. But I saw straight through his act.

"Why won't you tell me?" I exclaimed. "Why don't you trust me?"

He stared blankly at the page before sighing. He shut the page and threw the magazine on the floor.

"I do trust you." he said sincerely. "I'm just working on something that has to remain a secret. I promise I will tell you soon, but only when the time is right."

It just nodded and pasted a small smile onto my face.

"Okay." I said, not wanting to argue. I placed my hand over my mouth and faked a convincing enough yawn. "I'm pretty tired. I think I'm going to head to bed."

William pick up the magazine once more. "Okay. Sweet dreams." He said, without even looking up.

I stood and stared at him in thought for a moment before going and getting ready for bed.

And as I snuggled down under the duvet, I thought to myself how long I had waited to be in this relationship. How hard I had looked to find the love of my life, and how happy I had been when I found him.

It was the kind of situation that was suppose to make your love grow stronger. So why did I feel like it was weakening instead?

I woke up with a frown on my face. William had already snuck out and was no where to be seen. I had heard the door slam shut as he left at four o'clock this morning, after I had been awoken by banging and crashing in the kitchen. I could feel the hurt in my heart like a sharp pain to my chest. Like all of a sudden, I knew everything, yet nothing about my husband.