cant take it on my own (joshler)

introduction, part 6

"Josh! Josh, wake up!"

Josh gasps in a breath as his eyes open and he lashes out, fingernails digging into flesh.

"Josh, it's me, Chris!"

He's panting heavily, sucking in huge breaths before expelling them far too quickly. He drops his hand and then, with hardly any in between, begins to hyperventilate.

"Josh!" Chris pulls him into an upright position, placing a hand on Josh's chest. "Josh, you're safe, okay? You're in your room, in your apartment, you're not..."

Chris's words blur away in Josh's ears, he's too busy focusing on being quiet, on not screaming no no no with every too quick breath. He can't get away and it hurts it hurts it hurts...

He can feel someone's hands running up and down his arms, and it's such a jarring sensory feeling from what he's expecting (he doesn't want to think about what he was expecting). He moves his right arm as if to tug on the chain and it... Isn't there?

He winds down very, very slowly, vision clearing to see familiar surroundings, familiar feelings. He's in his room, and he doesn't remember falling asleep there. But it's his room. Familiar. Safe.

And Chris is there, in front of him. Chris is the one rubbing circles with his thumbs into his upper arms. Chris is good, and safe.

"Josh?"

Josh nods.

"That was... I think that was the worst panic attack I've ever seen you have." Chris doesn't let go of Josh.

Josh nods and looks away from Chris. He doesn't have the energy to start crying.

"I think we should go to your therapist. That was... That was so scary, Josh, you sounded like you were dying. Do you want me to make the appointment?"

"Yeah."

Josh's voice is shot through with holes and covered in rust, but the words still make their way out.

He clears his throat. "Yeah, I should go."

"I don't want to hear you talk again!"

"I can..." Josh pauses to rub his eyes. "I can speak here. He's... He's not around to hear me. He can't hurt me if he can't hear me."

"Oh, Josh..." Chris says, and then wraps his arms around Josh is a tight hug.

Josh hugs him back for a moment before letting go.

"I'll text him." Chris moves to get up.

"Be there with me." Josh says firmly.

Chris nods. "I will. Promise."

Josh doesn't sleep for the rest of the night. Chris does, eventually, and Josh watches him sleep for a while before getting up and getting his phone.

im gonna go see my therapist tomorrow

will u be there too? i want him to know from outside what im like. ive got chris too but he didnt pull me out of a basement

Tyler texts back after a few minutes.

Savior: any particular reason you want me there?

Savior: other than to tell your therapist about pulling you out of a basement

i trust you u u have very kind eyes

Savior: thank you

Savior: is Chris at your apartment?