Trance

Chapter Nineteen: Dreams and Desires

I smile despite the fact I don't feel like it. Amrita and Tina are adorable together. "When are you guys going to get married? You've been together for three years already!" I say, trying to keep the tone of the conversation upbeat and away from Matsya.

"She proposed to me yesterday," Tina informs me, her lips breaking into a huge smile as she blushes. Her eyes meet her pasta instead of mine and my heart absolutely melts at how cute they are. A tang of jealousy hits me but I ignore it. Shouldn't I just be glad for my best friend? She's getting married to the love of her life and all I'm thinking of is Matsya.

Talk about selfobsesed.

"We're going on an around the world tour for our honeymoon. My parents are coming from Thailand for the wedding and hers are coming from Punjab. We've decided to just do a court marriage," she recounts, her eyes brightening with the possibilities of the future. "Then we'll adopt some kids, be successful together and grow old. How does it sound?"

"Perfect," I reply, my eyes crinkling with happiness at her words. "I can't believe you're going to settle down."

She shrugs, a smile on her pink lips as she takes another bite of her pasta. My stomach rumbles, reminding me of the fact I really need to eat. I spent majority of the morning rushing around since I had overslept. I didn't even get to eat anything beside one measly cereal bar.

"I think I might have to go to McDonalds or to pizza hut for lunch," I sigh, rubbing my forehead. "I forgot to pack-"

My sentence is cut short, a large scream interrupting it. Immediately, I widen eyes and look at Tina who has the same expression. I get out of my chair, my palms hitting the glass desk. The coldness of the glass does nothing to calm the fear arrising in me.

"Where is Nirvaan?!" The voice is loud and clear yet gruff at the same time. My heart starts to pound and my mind refuses to believe it. Thousands of thoughts fly in my mind and I take a step back. All the air in my lungs has disappeared.

Tina gets out of her chair, her eyes looking at the glass door worryingly. Everyone could see us here, there's only a matter of time before someone comes this way. "Hide!" Tina hisses, her eyes widened with fear.

She has no idea what is happening. Neither do I but at least I know something has to be connected with Matsya. A shiver runs through me and I realize the only person who can do this is Amir.

And Amir wanted to kill me.

With Tina's words pounding in my mind, I duck and crawl under the desk. I hear Tina's footsteps, sounding too loud for me. The clicks echo around the wall, the rhythm of it matching my heart's thumping.

Finally, the awaited doors slam open. The glass slams against my vase filled with flowers. I close my eyes tightly, hearing the glass vase falling onto the floor with a loud clang. I press my knees against my chest and I hold my breath. Even the way I breath seems too loud for my liking.

"Where's Nirvaan?!" The words are the same, the voice is the same and so is the tone. However, the words seem to send more chill through my spine this time. It's not because of how loud the words is but however of whom he's speaking to.

He's speaking to Tina. Tina isn't hiding, she isn't safe.

"I don't know. He had left to go to McDonalds for lunch," Tina answers, her voice trembling slightly. All I want to do is hug her tightly from her nervous tone. She's lying for me. These lies can get her in trouble and the truth can give her life yet she still does it.

I close my eyes tightly, trying to trap the tears that pool in my eyes. Why does Tina have to do this? Why is she so ridiculously selfish? Why can't she just reveal where I am and get it done with. If she tells him where I am, she'll get her happily ever after.
Instead, I hear footsteps walking closer towards me. They sound loud, banging against the floor with hollow clicks. I let my eyes look over the desk and I notice a hole within the wood. It's small, barely enough to see through but I manage to see a gun pressed against Tina's forehead. The back of the men is facing towards me.

"Are you sure?" he asks again and this time the voice is different. It's smooth, almost charming. It's Amir. He stands besides the man who holds the gun. Tina nods, her eyes meeting Amir's cold brown ones with confidence. Amir's face is covered with a mask but his eyes are so familiar - after all, all my nightmares did have them.

"Shoot her," Amir orders, his words cold. There's no charm left in his voice. There's nothing, no emotions whatsoever. I bite my lip, trying not to gasp. "I don't like her tone."

I close my eyes tightly, unwilling to see Tina's agape mouth again. There's a single pang in the air and suddenly something falls to the ground, causing my stomach to feel sick. I bite harder on my lip, trying not to let any emotion out of my mouth until I finally hear them leave.

They walk out and the door slams close after them. I rock myself, unwilling to believe that Tina may be dead just because of Amir disliking her.

No. Just because of my feelings for Matysa.

She may be dead just because I was curious about her.

I try not to cry out loud. I don't have that privilege. My tears are ugly, they're too loud and they'll draw attention to me again. Amir may be still out there.

I close my eyes and memories of Tina wash over me. Her long, pitch black hair and her bright smile. Her ambitions, her love for Amrita and her plan for the future. My heart sinks even lower when I realize she'll never get to marry Amrita or adopt those kids. She'll never even meet Amrita's parents or greet her parents back from Thailand.

Her parents will come here for a funeral rather than a wedding.

This time tears come out of my eyes despite how tightly I close my eyes.

I crawl out of the desk, uncaring of the consequences. I don't care anymore. I'd rather be shot than have this horrid feeling over me - a mix between fear, guilt and sadness. A hint of an anger is there, anger at Matsya and Amir.

Immediately, my eyes fall onto Tina. Her eyes are gaping open, filled with tears that slowly trickle out. Despite all of this, I get hope. Perhaps she's alive, how else is she crying? However, the stillness of her chest causes me to take a step back.

I place my hand over my mouth, my eyes watching the blood slowly pour out of her head. It's like a never ending waterfall off blood, all of it landing in one pool of blood. My knees feel so weak and my lungs seem to have no breath.

The scene seems surreal, something out of a horror movie. I fall to the ground, my knees hitting the floor first. All I do is look at Tina, my eyes watching her soulless black ones. The tears have stopped coming out of her eyes yet there's some unshed tears causing her to look glassy.

She's dead. She's dead because of me.

□

How was the chapter? Again, i really need your opinions because ive never tried writing these type of scenes before.

Any feedback?

Do i need a trigger warning for this chapter? (If anyone comments triggered i will punch you).

IM WATCHING ADHM IN CINEMAS EEEKK IM SO EXCITED!!!!

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- Maya.