You Don't Come Close.

5

"Is Adriana coming today?", I dare to ask and he looks at me with that narrowed eyes.

"Don't know."

And again I wanna go over there and kiss him. I should. The sheer thought of doing it, lets my hear race with nervousness and I'm playing the wrong notes, leaving the blues scale. Axl notices and gives me a questioning look. I look back and wanna say something.

"She ...should come...", I whisper, but Axl pushes me mentally away. Again.

"Nah, whatever. I'm not desperate for a fuck. Going to go to bed soon."

No! My mood is worse in less than a second. Everything rushing down my belly, making me feel really bad. He just can't simply go to bed. A damn lie to himself and to me and-

But I got it.

I just got it. It won't fucking work. Nothing ever works for me the way I planned it. Except with the music. And I really don't wanna loose this as well, so I should just stop it and everything will be back to normal again tomorrow.

I already halfway convinced myself, when suddenly Adriana knocks at the door. It's making my belly jump, causes a stupid grin and I have to ask myself again: Whom am I trying to fool?

Axl lets her in and she grins at us a little too long, before talking,

"Got a drink for me?"

Axl pours some whiskey in of the glasses on the desk, gives it to her and I can see his hands shaking while he does so.

"Well, did you finish today?"

"Yeah, everything is done."

"Can I hear it?"

"Not now. There are no copies yet."

"Well, ok...so you are leaving tomorrow?"

"Yes."

I can't say if he's afraid of that as well.

Adriana nods and sits between us now, still grinning, looking at the TV. I am still playing guitar, but watch both their profiles from under my hair.

The atmosphere is tensed, uncomfortable and obviously very funny when judged by Adrianas face. Axl stares with empty eyes, but I'm sure right beneath the TV and his hands are still shaky as he grabs for a cigarette.

Adriana yawns and stretches her legs, then wraps an arm around Axls shoulders loosely.

"Are you ok?", she asks, "looking a bit nervous."

But she's not sounding worried and I wanna punch her, cause' it's all just teasing. Axl says simply nothing, doesn't look at her, but just nods that he's ok and Adriana gives a sweet, little laugh and I'm in sympathy with her again, because I just can't blame her for something. She's my damn saviour.

Her hand comes laying on my knee, as she keeps on watching TV and I'm slowly getting inpatient. I absolutely hate that...being forced into staying in an awkward situation, feeling fucking exposed, emotionally vulnerable. It's something I avoid; something I never find myself into and when I do, I grab my Jack and just leave.

I owe nothing to anybody but myself and I need no one to judge me right or judge me at all. It's different now, but I simply refuse to let it happen to me, so I lay the guitar away and grab for the remote to turn the TV off, earning surprised looks from both.

I wanna say something like 'Can we fuck already, or what?', but I'm not Axl, I hadn't have enough to drink and my pulse is racing again, so I just grab Adrianas neck and begin kissing her.