sleeping arrangements.

RATIONALITY

jungkook focus
"taehyung?" jungkook asks and taehyung tears his eyes away from jungkook's lips.

"y-yeah?"

"what scares you?" jungkook knows that he shouldn't ask taehyung about something he's so clearly afraid of, and yet his curiosity wins over. his rationality disappearing as he waits for taehyung to say something.

taehyung also knows that jungkook would ask him this question at one point. he just hasn't asked himself if he wanted to tell jungkook or not.
only a few people in his life knew about his fears, and he wasn't sure if he wanted jungkook to know.

"i-i uh, my dad used to uhm abuse my mom." taehyung says shakily.

just leave it at that, taehyung. no need to tell him anything else, he tells himself firmly but he can't help but blurt out the rest.
he doesn't know why he did it, maybe because of the way jungkook gave off a comfortable feel. maybe because he liked jungkook? he doesn't know for sure but he continues, watching jungkook's facial expressions.

"he used to say 'i'll kill you, you stupid bitch' to my mom when she hid his bottles." taehyung stares off into space. "hearing this aged 9 really freaked me out. i thought he'd kill my mom and then walk over to my room and kill me too." 

"i used to hide in my room and never sleep because i thought if i closed my eyes, mom would die and he'd come for me. this carried on for a while."
taehyung clears his throat, "i should probably get over it huh?" taehyung laughs quietly but winces at the harsh tone.

"when i was eleven, i finally decided to get rid of my dad. i was stupid and too quick in my thinking. i came home to see my mom's forehead bleeding and decided to stop it all." taehyung pauses. "i grabbed the nearest thing, a beer bottle - those green ones - and hit my dad on the head with it. mom was so shocked when he fell unconscious."

"she didn't want me to get hurt when he woke up so she left with me. i don't know what happened to that bastard, i wanna forget him but it's hard to forget something you're so scared of." taehyung finishes, he looks up to see jungkook's reaction.

"u-uh yeah, there was this one dog in my neighbourhood who once chased after me on my bike - i was scared shitless. guess, fifi was the reason why im scared of dogs now." jungkook laughs, attempting to humour the situation.

oh god, why did i ask? please laugh at my stupid story to lighten the conversation a bit, jungkook begs internally. taehyung chuckles a little and jungkook breathes out in relief.

was not expecting that, was what jungkook thought when taehyung finishes. he really shouldn't have asked him something so personal.

"sorry to hear that though."

"why should you be sorry for?"

"um i don't know, hey i have another question: why do you need someone to sleep with you? i mean, i get that having somewhere is reassuring but what if you thought it was your dad or something- oh jeez sorry, i don't know what im saying." jungkook garbles.

"you're full of questions today," taehyung muses and jungkook blushes, "this friend of mine found out i had bad dreams and said he'd watch over me when i slept. at that time i was 12, maybe 13, and my stupid teen brain just thought if someone watched over me, i'd be safe." taehyung explains, laughing quietly. "guess that thought stuck."

"but it worked though, sleeping with hoseok near me, helped."

"hoseok?" jungkook questions. taehyung looks up, nodding, "he was my best friend. but ah, he moved away." taehyung smiles as he remembers his childhood friend.

taehyung must really cherish hoseok if he's smiling like that.

"we don't talk much now, just occasional happy birthday or christmas emails." taehyung looks down sadly and breathes out through his nose, "let's go to bed now, okay?"

"yeah sure." jungkook hastily says. taehyung wriggles around his sleeping bag to get himself comfortable, whilst jungkook wondered about taehyung's much loved friend, hoseok.