When It Rains

The sky was grey, barren, desolate. It was empty and soulless. The slight hint of blue gave the grey sky a depressing tone. It could not escape the sadness I was feeling. I stared down at the ground hoping for the swaying grass to ease my mind. But nothing allowed my mind rest from the single thought that plagued it. Mom. Her death. Her life. I don't know what to do. My body won't move, my mind won't wander. I feel stuck here, right in front of my Mother's gravestone. My heart feels empty and my stomach burns. Sadness, disappointment, and guilt. That's all I can think about. I wish I could have done something, I wish I was strong enough. But I wasn't, I couldn't have stopped what happened to her. I want to believe that, but I can't help but feel like I could have done something. Like I could have fought no matter how small of a fight it was. Why? Why!?

A single tear drops from my right eye. I feel it flow down my cold, red cheek, in sadness or rage for my weakness, I am not sure. All I know is she's gone and she won't come back. Alone, that's all there is now. It's my only truth. I slam my fist into the ground and I stare blankly as I feel my heart sink and twist. My stomach begins to burn, a black flame ignites, consuming me. My reason is thrown out the window and then the air shifts and I feel something on my shoulder.

A hand touches me and I feel the darkness disappear. The hand's soothing touch and the silence that followed it dragged me from my emotional chaos. But my sadness and rage still lingered, still residing in the pit of my stomach.

"One second...j-just one more second." I try to stop my voice from quivering, but it just makes it worse. The sound my voice makes urges me to cry, it begs me to. I put my hand onto the gravestone to take a final look.

Samantha Monadi Unicus

Loving Mother and Wife

1976-2015

This is all that's her, a few words. A few words that mean nothing...nothing. My mind is blank as I realize this and my eyes stare into an empty abyss, the abyss of death. The words blur together, not from my tears but because I realized that me and this man are the only ones who will truly remember her. My heart sinks and I can't take it anymore. I stand up, not looking at anything or anyone. Not the swaying grass or the grey sky, just nothingness.

" I'm ready..." My words are soft and empty as if none of them were meant. The man starts walking forward, not a single word leaves his mouth. It was silent. Silent in an unbearable way. It was just me, this man, and nothingness. Alone, with a man I didn't know and surrounded by the graves of loved ones. Each step I took reminded me of the fact that right behind me is my mother's body and in front of me is a man that was never there.

He's wearing a black suit that matches his jet black hair. He's just an inch or two taller than me with broad shoulders and he has a presence large enough to fill any room, two fold. Although I can only see his back right now, I can't forget his face. So similar to mine. A strong square jaw, dark features that make it seem he just returned from an island vacation, and dark brown eyes as deep as mahogany wood. Different from my olive complexion and my stormy blue eyes, but none the less I still look eerily like him. But what do I expect, he is my father. My father that was never there. That could hav.. No. Don't think like that. Just walk.

We reach the small black business-like car we came in and enter. Both of us stayed silent. Only the hum of the engine broke the silence that filled the atmosphere that surrounded us. The silence and the constant vibration coming from the road lulled me into a nothingness, that cleared my mind. I began to slip into sleep, forgetting my worries.

"Yahhhhhh ahh." I yawn and pull myself into a ball lying against the passenger door.

Every time I blink my eyes stay closed just a bit longer. Each part of my body slowly relaxes. My body begins to float in the vacuum of space. As I float throughout the emptiness without a single star or glimmer of light reaching the edge of my pupil, a force is placed on my chest. My body becomes heavy and weightless. This mixture of nothingness and infinite pressure gradually lulls me to sleep. My consciousness fades and the outside world disappears. There is no more car or imaginary galaxy, just darkness. The darkness surrounds me, void of any real existence. My mind is no longer in reality, I feel nothing and slowly I become a part of that nothingness.