Losing

1.1

Today was like any other day in the 7th grade for Sarah. The year before she had next to no friends and yet she had never become depressed.
She was sitting in boring Geography, listening to yet another presentation as he spaced out. Thoughts crossed her mind as she sighed hopelessly. She had friends, more than last year, why couldn't she be grateful? There are people in far worse situations, why did she feel so pathetic?
Sarah tried to ignore the tiring pain kicking inside her.
The next week it's the same regiment. Get up, get dressed, wash face, brush teeth, watch tv, do hair, go to school.
One day she found her self just wanting to die. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She was always that kid that would hear about people harming themselves and think, "I could never do that." Yet she felt herself understanding their reasons for doing so.
That night she began researching therapists in Bloomington, IL. Her mind was racing as she looked through every profile. She didn't want to be depressed, she didn't want to see the things that haunted her at day and at night.
She had begun to hallucinate. She was extremely delusional and saw flashes of different colored light and would see shadow move out of the corner of her eye constantly.
Her mom got her a therapist and they all 3 talked the first time. Sarah had already done research on all the types of depression or mental issues she might have.
The therapist told her it was ALL from lack of sleep and dehydration. Sarah couldn't believe what she was hearing. She always thought that people were faking hating their therapists so much. Now she knew that this woman couldn't help her. After a few more sessions Sarah stopped going.
Her mom knew she wanted to die, yet after she stopped going to therapy she never once asked "Are you okay?" Not once did she ever have a concerned look, or went out of her way to make Sarah happy. Never.
Sarah was very public about being sad at school. She covered her pain with jokes. She would say she was depressed light-heartedly and joke around and smile all the time.
No one noticed. She was a better actor than she thought.
She slowly just kind of stopped being sad. One day over the summer she broke down sobbing about how she'll never find love though.
She had finally accepted, after thinking so for a few years, that she would never find anyone.