Dear ______

#1

11/10
Dear diary,

Today has been a whirlwind of a day. Uni was practically hell as per usual. One bright side was that my group and I almost aced our presentation. Mind you I absolutely despise speaking in front of people, even though it's 6 classmates and the tutor, which most aren't even paying attention. But the fact that they have the possibility to pick up a mess up no matter how tiny it is terrifies me. Yes even though people say the more you think about it the worse it gets. It is just how it is and there's nothing that can be done about it. Yes a lot of people, well like most of the human population get nervous before speaking in public, whether it be a presentation in front of your class, a panel, interview, or just in general public speaking, this is just how I felt in that situation today in regards to the presentation.

University life is hard I have come to realise, I have only been here less than a year and I'm mentally dying from how tiring it gets. Together with my job, living on my own and having to do everything that is meant to be done as a full blown adult at 18 (yes you are probably thinking, there are more people out there that do this at a younger age, this is my thoughts on my personal experience) things get very overwhelming and sometimes it just gets too much.

And also to add to that the fucking clown epidemic that is going around the US, Australia and everywhere else where people think is hilarious to dress up as clowns and try to spook people. Even though it is the month of October and Halloween is in less than 3 weeks, it does not give you the damn right in any way to dress up as clowns and stalk people. Do you know how many people have a fear of clowns? Who get massive panic attacks and anxiety and cannot be left on their own because they are afraid that one will stand outside their window just for "the hell of it"? That they think it's funny to watch people break down in fear? Well it's not. And that's also what I have to deal with, the constant thought that a clown will show up outside my house, or in my backyard late at night.

This whole thing is going off on a tangent but sometimes speaking ones mind is much better that keeping it in and building it up until one day they will snap and break down. And in all honesty I do not want to go through that again any time soon.

Goodnight.