Shadows (Sequel to Rip My Heart Out)

Chapter 2

Steve walked around the bench and sat next to me. "Yeah, well, payback."

I probably would have laughed at that if I wasn't so upset right now.

Steve was quiet for a moment, just staring forward at the wall

"Why do you come here?" He asked, finally.

I took a breath before answering. The sun was shining off the memorial, making me squint into the sunlight.

"Everything is so different with the stone. Before, I could do what I want, and it didn't matter. I didn't matter. Now, every single decision I make has the potential to impact the entire universe, good or bad. If I let my guard down for one minute, I could start something that could hurt so many people. This place; these names; it's a reminder of the weight of the Infinity Stone." I said.

"Em, you would never hurt a soul. You don't even like killing bugs." Steve said.

"But I can. If I wanted to, right now, I could send this entire planet hurtling towards the sun. That terrifies me." I said.

"But you wouldn't. That's what matters. All of us are capable of terrible things, even without powers. What's important is what's in your-" Steve stopped short, awkwardly.

I looked at him confused, and then realized what had happened. I laughed. "You were going to say 'what's in your heart' weren't you?" I said through giggles.

Steve smiled. "Yeah. Sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay." I settled myself down, and stopped laughing. "Look, I shouldn't have snapped at you earlier. I know you didn't mean what you said. I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't have to apologize. You were right. You've been right about it all. What you said earlier... Well, I do still trust you. I've been letting my search for Bucky cloud my judgment. I'm sorry." He said, his eyes meeting mine.

"You know I want you to find him." I said.

He nodded. "I know you do."

"As soon as he wants to be found, I will bring you to him, even if I'm in outer space when that happens." I said.

Steve nodded again, letting his eyes wander back towards the wall. "Can I ask you something?"

I looked at Steve, trying to figure out why he was so serious all the sudden. "Anything."

"Why are you so afraid you're going to hurt someone? And I don't mean just because you are capable of it. That's not the only reason. Something else has been bothering you. You and I know you would never choose to hurt someone, and you don't lose control of your powers to the extent of harming anyone. I've seen you in training. So, what is it that makes you think you would ever do that?" Steve continued looking at the wall, deep in thought.

I felt my eyes begin to water. Leave it to Steve to figure something out that I didn't even want to think about myself.

"Ever since Pietro died, I can't stop thinking about losing someone close to me. I've had a horrible feeling that someone I love is going to die, and considering our line of work, it isn't entirely impossible. I'm terrified of losing you or Pietro, or Nat, or Wanda, or any of the others. You guys mean everything to me." I said.

"Em-" Steve began as I thought about what I would say next.

"Let me finish. I need to say this." I said. "What scares me is that someday I will have to choose between what I should do, and saving one of you. It's my job to keep cosmic order, or at least it will be when I have all the Infinity Stones, which means every choice I make impacts the universe far beyond my immediate concerns. It's something I've been all too aware of since I brought Pietro back.

"It's not like I could change anything now, or worse yet, that I would want to change anything, but bringing him back could have upset the balance somehow. I love you guys, you're my family, and that love will always cloud my judgment. And now that my decisions can have astronomical consequences..." I motioned at the wall.

"I'm not saying I would bring anyone else back, I can't do that. I know that much, but what if we're in battle and I have to make the call. Finish the mission and save the world or save you? I know how it sounds, but... I don't know that I could sit back and watch anyone else get hurt, no matter the consequences."

I hadn't told that to anyone, not even Pietro. It was the thought, deep in my mind that had been haunting me the last few months.

For a long time, Steve didn't say anything. He just stared at the wall, seemingly reading over the names, thinking.

"You'll do the right thing." He said quietly. "If it ever really does come down to that, you'll make the right choice. I know you will."

"I don't know if I want to." I admitted quietly.

A/N: As promised, here is the BONUS chapter! 

I hope you like it! Let me know what you think by voting and commenting!

The real conflicts that are going to run throughout this story will start in the next chapter! I can't wait to get into it! 

What are you guys looking forward to in this book??

As always, thanks for reading!! <3