Freak tried Art (3)

Untitled Part

I probably can't keep you from reading anyways XD

I thought long about posting this and I honestly don't want to, but right now, I think I'd rather get it of my chest by talking to myself in this chapter and sort things out with myself.
So, I'll tell you once again, this is a talk with my other half and I'd recommend you don't read it. Choice is up to you but I warned you so don't go complaining. I'll just write everything that I can handle to write down off my chest and you either deal with it or skip it.

Okay lets start:

Okay, I'm recieving a lot insulting messages by people. Mostly from the ones I know irl (which is obviously why this message is german, duh). It's almost laughable that he (the guy that wrote the message up there) calls me miserable (lächerlich = miserable) but then asks me in art lessons to do the work for him, ain't it?
Of course, I've recieved a lot worse but since I know this is open for everyone to read I'd rather not put it up on here.

I'm just weird like that. I proved once again that I don't fit it in any way. I disgusted others with my exotropia cause I couldn't concentrate enough and let it slip. They laughed at me and told me what a psycho and weirdo I am. And what a Freak I am (You see, I don't got this nickname without any reason. It's just the way I am. Don't feel bad by calling me a nickname :D). I was about to tell them that they shouldn't laugh about this incureable illness but then I thought, "You gotta laugh over yourself, too, right...?" So I kept quiet and I gave them my best grin. I hope I could fool them. Not that I like lieing poeple in the face, but I'd rather lie than have other pity me or make fun of me because I complain bout little crap like that.

Anyways, onto the next one!

Don't you find it funny when you hear the sentence: "Why'd you unfollow me? I thought we were friends!"? Yeah? Me too!
It's even funnier when these people were the ones who turned their back on you; stopped replying or merely answered with "Sorry, don't got time rn" every single time you text them RIGHT AFTER you texted them, don't you think?
I don't get these people. They turned their back on me and think I'm at fault. Sorry, but if you don't want to keep in contact, don't be surprised if I give up on trying to keep the friendship alive.

Next one!

Ah, doesn't everyone got a little bitch in their class who always places herself in the victim role and wants attention and such and always complain on about how bad their life is? Well, I got one, too. Sure, I'm trying to ignore her.
All she ever says is:
- how badly she's treated at home (which is wrong. I know her parents and their mostly loving and almost never get angry or yell at her)
- that her sis gets everything she wants but she herslef gets nothing (Sure, this new iPhone is nothing, and those goddamn 13 pairs of shoes and this sewing machine (whyever she wanted one) aand this big room and this 3D-TV and this iPod... that's all nothing, right?)
- that everyone is so so mean to her (She said and treats everyone like crap, is bitchy af AND talks behind everyone's back about them. Sure, but they are mean cause they don't like you and tell you that. Cause honesty = being mean)
- that my art is crap and hers is SOOOO much better, like, wow, this looks SOOOO realistic (Sure she might be right about my art being crap but I don't like it when people brag about something as subjective as art. It's wrong. And btw, none of her artworks looked realistic till now. she always make side profiles but the forehead is to flat and the eyes are too big (me has studyied anatomy). I can't go on about her art, but it sure as hell ain't realistic)

Ther's more but I don't wanna tell private stuff about her cuz I don't talk about peeps behind their back. everything I said could aply too so many peeps and if I'd go more in detail, I wouldn't feel good about myself anymore. I don't even feel good bout myself right now. I feel like a miserable piece of crap for having talked about someone like that without their knowledge. (Although, she knows the first three points already. But I was way more sensetive and gentle and didn't say it like I hated her XD)
I don't hate her, I just don't like her foul and bragging attitude towards me and others.

What else can I handle talking about... oh yeah!

The girl that left me about a week ago... she pulled anouther person I liked with her. They haven't deleted their account (yet) but I wonder why they ignore me. They also liked the girl who left very much but I don't understand why they're ignoring me like I wasn't even there...
It, well, it hurts. But I guess that was to be expected. I wasn't even surprised this time.
People keep leaving me even though they promised me and I'm starting to lose faith in the promises that people gave me, but also in the ones I gave. And I broke one. I broke the promise to myself to not cut for a whole months at least. I lasted two weeks, and now I've grown weak and broke it. I feel like crap because of that, even if it was only a promise to myself; it's still a promise and I slowly start losing faith that I can keep the others I made. I'd be very sorry if it should happen that I break a promise I gave to a person, I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to. But that'd just show that I lost my faith. I'm still clinging onto the promise I gave Angel and it's very important to me. It's so important that i think I'd break my promise about not comitting suicide before that one.

I'll just type what I'Ve written to make myself feel less miserable, don't let it pull you down. My poems are usually sad and melancholy-ish (is that even a word?)

I know I'm weird, a little Freak,
but is that enough reason to leak
all the secrets I tols you?
We both know, it's true.
I put all faith into you,
but you act as if you had no clue.
You broke my trust, broke my faith;
I just wanna stop to be a slave
to my own emotions, and to my self-hate.
Wanna stop being one of those creatures humanity made;
wanna start being myself, and hold on to
the life I once had, where I only told a lie or two...

I wasn't finished but when my seatmate looked over and asked me what I wrote there, I couldn't get myself to show them and so I didn't finish it. I know I'm weird.
Was hard enough to get it to even ryhme...

So, I got a bunch more to tell but I don't feel comfortable at all telling that yet, or even admitting it to myself.
I know at least half of you read this despite my warning and now want to write oh-so-heart-warming comments, but please, before you do, reconsider:
Is this just a pseudo-feel-good-saying? Then don't say it. Is it just a I-know-how-you-feel- sentence? Then don't say it. I don't even wanna know who has to go through stuff like that, even if this isn't really servre. I didn't say the real stuff yet, jsyk. Just stufff that's been bothering me and that I finally feel able to talk about.
If you want to talk about something that's been bothering you, feel free to talk to me. I'm not a stone wall and I'll try my best to comfort you and help you.
I know I sound like a bitch rn but I can't stand this "I'm here for you, and always will be"-crap anymore. I just can't. I had so many people tell me that yet at least two thirds of them left me. I don't want these empty phrses. I just want a hug. nothing more, nothing less. Just someone that rubbs my back, huggs me and doesn't say anything. Just that... (and don't go writing *hugs* in the comments. that doesn't do anything, even though I want to make myself believe that)

Ahhh, I'm like a total bitch, I'm sorry, I know none of you can do what I wish you could do right now. That's okay, nothing to worry about. I just wanted to say.... that I really wish I had someone to hug right now. as in, REALLY hug them. with my own arms, and not just by saying *hugs*... I know that's impossible right now. I'm sorry for wishing for something stupid like that.
Of course you can write whatever you want in the comments, I won't delete comments XD
I just wanted to let you know that it'll help little to nothing.

Also, on a random note: TheInsaneWyvern, would it be okay it I drew only the head of the kobra? I'm really a lazy piece of crap and I didn't have sleep for two days cause I can't sleep at night right now (which make sme be tired in school...), so my hand is a little draggy and slow and tired...