baby blue ｡ milex

02

chapter 2 → "awkward"
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you gracefully pollute my mind, baby blue.

you always appear here and there, it's inconsistent and it's driving me crazy.

what's also crazy is that i've written two entries about you already in the same day.

it may not seem much to other people, but it certainly is to me. i only write in the notebook so that i can get my feelings towards you out of the way. it just proves that i can't get you out of my head.

this is supposed to be helping me to erase my intimate thoughts about you, but when i read my words back during the night the feelings just get far more stronger.

you have a tenacious grip on my thoughts, i suppose.

but aren't having crushes supposed to be fun?

i suppose i should have fun with you indirectly then.

not in that way, just thinking about you in appropriate circumstances like, "what would baby blue do if i had no one to watch tv with me?"

now giving that thought a chance, i see how people say that this is slightly amusing.

just giving in the thought of me having my hands tangled in your long, brown hair and laughing whenever you spill my name from your pouty pink lips. we're ignoring the tv completely.

but i suppose that some people cross the line whenever they take these thoughts too literal. like forcing people to become their lover or making them uncomfortable from the unwanted attention and flirting. something i believe i'm doing right at this moment.

i don't know why i'm having mixed feelings about all of this. maybe buying this small notebook was the start of it all.

this was supposed to be helping me, not make me fall deeper down the spiral of love all over again.

first I'm having all of these pleasant thoughts about you, now i feel like i'm silently creeping you out since nobody dares to think of you that way. hell, they don't even like to even refer to you. that's why they gave you the code name baby blue.

you gracefully pollute my mind, baby blue.

and i hate it.

-m.k.
─

FRUSTRATED, Miles slammed his notebook and shoved the pen down the spiral of the notebook that held this entire mess together. He put his notebook in his black book bag and crossed his arms in front of the table in front of him.

It was lunch time, that was why he was writing again today. He had nothing better to do and he just couldn't help but to think about the awkward glances that baby blue and him shared today in English class.

What a bad choice he made.

Just writing made him feel grossed out by himself. He rarely writes in that notebook, only times where he's desperate to pour out his thoughts and feelings about the boy. He bought that notebook for his birthday 2 years ago, and it only has 5 entires in it, excluding the two fresh pile of words his heart had spilled out.

He let out a sigh and silently shook his head. He just wants to go home, he has a god awful headache. Maybe he'll do something to get him off of his mind, hopefully.

"You alright, Mi?" A lower voice spoke to him. His head shot up and he was met by a recognizable face.

"No, I'm not, Matt." The words came off his tongue strangely. It was like he lost all ability to talk again, since Alex made him turn into stone whenever their eyes met each other. Perhaps the only type of contact the two will experience.

"Is it because you sat next to Alex?"

Miles nodded, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

Matt was sitting right next to Miles in English class before all of this happened. He saw how he was blushing furiously whenever he sat next to him and it never quite left him.

Not to mention how unbearably quiet he was being. Miles is a boastful boy who had a grin on his face every minute of the day, even when times were tense and tangible. He would grab a hold of the tense atmosphere and try his best to make things better. And it always worked.

But not now, certainly not now. His signature smirk had been melted and re-shaped into a thin line and he was painted red. He sat on the edge of his seat and he was awfully still, even after everyone was dismissed.

Matt think he knows why Miles is acting this way around Alex.

He likes him. 

Matt will admit something that he feels terribly guilty for. Over the time Miles had been seen with the notebook, Matt being the sneaky little shit he was, looked over his shoulder and saw an entire essays worth of words. The most reoccurring words was "baby blue" and "love".

He saw a bit more than he wanted to see today. He was doing his secretive snooping today whenever his theory had proved him right.

"How I wish we can have each other."

Matt couldn't help but to cringe. Miles has a crush on the school alien, the school's biggest dickhead? Obviously he doesn't know his past, only except the ones who grew up with Alex. Miles only knows his exterior shell, tough and doesn't care about anything but himself.

But again no one really knows how he is like in the inside or the way he process things or thinks about certain topics or any of that. They know his name, but not his actual story, something's he's not quite proud of. They only believe the nonsense that was spilling out of the most popular girl's mouth. Because of that slip up, it ruined him and it made him into the person he is now.

"You'll be fine, promise," Matt finally said after sharing an uncomfortable silence. Miles nodded and took a sip from his water bottle.

"Thanks," Miles mumbled. "I'll be going now, need to head to my music class."

He began shoving his stuff into his book bag and he put it on his shoulders. After sending Matt a small nod, he left and started to make his way to the music room in silence.