Agent Blue

05 | DIRECTOR ZERO

DIRECTOR ZERO

Arriving at headquarters was always a tiring activity. There was always something that needed to be done; like paper work. Paper work was a bitch and that's exactly why I left my team to deal with it all.

I know, I know, it was selfish and all but the idea of reliving the event pissed me off to an extreme. So, when we arrived at the agency, I spoke to no one and locked myself in my room for five days.

My mind had been in turmoil, my thoughts could not straighten out, and I just kept questioning everything that I did. That's why, for days, I threw my favorite dagger into the wall: over and over and over again, until my arm became too tired to do anything. For nearly five days, I had stared at the dagger meeting the wall; imagining it was my brother's heart or head - sometimes it was both -until I couldn't stand it anymore. I didn't move, except for the occasional shower or bathroom break, and just sat there. I was starving by the time I got out and truly that's the only reason why I had left. Even my body needed nutrition.

Those days each of my team members had attempted to coax me out of the room but failed. They were like clockwork but I ignored their begging for my unnecessary presence. I didn't want to talk to them, not only, because I was upset but because I hadn't controlled that anger. I was an agent, I was supposed to be well controlled and calm, but I failed to do that.

The losing of control, the anger, the confusion put into a bit of a depression episode. The mission made me hate life and feel tremendously hopeless. It made me want to scream and when I did scream, when I let my scream fill every ounce of my bedroom, I felt nothing.

So, I got my release from the blade. Its repetitive 'thud' against the wall was like a flush of adrenaline escaping me. It was like my mind had been running marathons and I was finally resting. Finally doing absolutely nothing and at the end of the day, the blade left me more tired and drained than screaming would.

It's been three days since my overdramatic pout fest. I've healed from the explosion and have realized that I'm a complete idiot for threatening Astrid. It was a mistake. I have no courage to fight my brother anymore. I have no will to do it either.

I trained with Juun as I tried to distract my mind from the failed mission. Training was really the only thing that could make me forget about my horrid life. Sadly no one in the agency, other than my team, was willing to fight me: afraid that I'd kill them or something like that.

I sprinted across the room before meeting Juun's, perfect, face with a solid punch. He flinched but was quickly on defense. Our bodies collided in a series of punches and slaps that made our eyes swim and pain erupt in the places of our bodies that had been used to being hit so many times.

"Blue, Orange, get to Base 0 in twenty." We ignored Rein and continued to practice. We went harder and picked up the speed of our attacks.

Hit. Block. Swipe. Hit. Repeat.

"We should do our jobs." Juun replied, his korean accent seeping into his words, before catching my arms. He twisted my body around and slammed his knee into the curve of my back. Pain flared up my back like branches splintering and my mouth let a string of curses tumble out with anger soaking each one. I hit the mat on my forearms and I let out a exhale of beautiful oxygen.

"You don't act like you want to go to work." I replied but it mostly sounded like gibberish with breaths of air between each soft word. I lifted myself up as he shifted into the defense position.