The Marauders: Year Four

Good or Evil

Lily whispered, "Has this got to do with... with You-Know-Who?"

Severus didn't dare confirm it.

"I don't like those boys you've been hanging about with in Slytherin," she said firmly, "They're bad. They're bad for you. They make you act less like yourself. That's why you're feeling torn. You should never have been put into Slytherin house. You don't belong with that horrible lot."

Severus clutched her hands, "Lily, you make me want to rise above it. You make me me think that there's a way... a way out. When I look in your eyes, I feel stronger than Him."

She stared up at him and he stared into her eyes.

"Voldemort?" she whispered.

Severus stiffened at the name, for saying it made him think it and he worried that his defense against letting his bit of memory free might weaken.... He nodded, though, in response to her.

"Sev," she said, "You need to talk to Dumbledore and get yourself away from those boys."

"I can't Lily, it's not just them. It's -- there's so much to it. But..." he swallowed back his fear, "Lily, we could run away."

"What?"

"Yeah. Right now, you and I. We could runaway. We could just... go... somewhere far off, away from all this rubbish... leave the Dark Lord and the Slytherins and that bloody lot of yours... and just... We could go see the world. You and I, together Lily."

"Severus, don't be absurd. We're fourteen."

"We'll both be fifteen in a month, Lily, and it'll take the whole of holiday before anyone would ever notice we're missing officially, and we could get pretty far in a month..." He looked at her desperately.

"Sev. Listen to yourself."

"Lily. If I stay... if I stay here and I have no hope of getting away... I can't take it much more, I can't stay on this line between good and evil much longer. You don't understand how much pressure I'm under. I can't sleep at night, Lily. I sit up at night in the common room, staring into a fireplace, trying to remind myself of what I really believe in... trying to remember why... and that's easier to do when I'm with you. I don't want to be a bad guy, and you're the only thing that keeps me hanging on to good."

Lily shook with frustration and she pulled away, pacing. "Severus, you can't... you can't put this load of pressure on me. You have to be good because you are good, because that's what's in your heart, not because I tell you to be."

He caught her, put his hands on her shoulders, stopping the pacing, "I could be a good man, Lily. I could take care of you. I know loads of good spells, I've even made up ones of my own. We could get on board a ship, Lil, or an aeroplane. We could run away somewhere far off, somewhere nobody knows us, where You-Know-Who can't find us... I'll protect you, always, and have long lives together."

"Severus," Lily shook her head. "I love you, you know that, I've always loved you... as a friend."

Tears filled his eyes, "Lily."

"You knew that's what we were tonight."

"But Lily, don't you understand what I'm saying?" he begged, "I want to be good for you!"

"You have to be good for yourself first, Severus!" she said. Lily shrugged off the robes and handed them over to him. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

"Lily -- please --" he begged. "Lily..." Severus followed her to the door as she pushed her way in and she ran for the stairs. "Lily, wait. Please."

"Sev, no," Lily said, "Don't follow me, alright? I'm allowed to leave if I want to."

"But I need you." His hand was closed around her wrist.

"And I need to go."

He stared at her, eyes filled with tears... and then he opened his hand and released her and she ran away, up the stairs, leaving him there. She never saw it, but the moment she was out of eyesight, Severus knelt down on the stairs, curling around himself.

Lily ran up the staircase to Gryffindor Tower, tear in her eyes, too. She felt horrible leaving Severus Snape there like that, felt horrible hurting him. But she had no feelings for him like that. She didn't want to run away, she liked Hogwarts, she liked her friends here, liked the teachers. She wished she'd never reawakened that spark of Severus Snape's fantasy world about what she was to him. She loved him as a friend only, that's all Severus Snape would ever, ever be. She couldn't be the one responsible to make him be good, that was up to him and choices that he made... it couldn't be on her shoulders, he couldn't be dependant on her.

"Bowtruckles," Lily told the Fat Lady heavily, her heart breaking for Severus.

The Fat Lady swung open and Lily stepped inside and as she did there came a great commotion on the couch - a shout, a blur of motion, a thud, a grunt, and Sirius Black sat up, his hair a mess, staring over the back of the couch. "LILY EVANS," he said loudly, too loudly, uncomfortably loud, "WHAT'RE YOU DOING BACK ALREADY?"

"She's alright, you blighter," came Remus's voice... and then his head popped up over the side of the couch, too, his cheeks bright red and his voice a bit funny, his hair messed up, too, "Hey Lily."

She stared at their two heads a moment....

"OH MY GOD." She shrieked, and her palms went to her cheeks, as every thought of Severus Snape simply flew out of her head. "REMUS! ....SIRIUS!.... Are you... Did you... ARE YOU?"

Remus looked at Sirius, smiled, then looked back at Lily and said, "Lily Evans, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend - Sirius Black. He's a really great bloke, I think you'll rather like him and ---"

Lily let out a scream and she ran across the room and leaped at the couch, flinging her arms out so that she caught Remus with one elbow and Sirius with the other and she pulled them into a crushing hug. "OH MY GOD YES. I AM SO BLOODY HAPPY FOR YOU!!!" she was crying suddenly for a whole different reason than she had been before. "OH BLOODY HELL!" She let go of them and Sirius rubbed the back of his neck as he sat back where he'd been. "Tell me absolutely everything," she commanded. "How? When? TELL ME EVERYTHING!"

"Blimmmmey," said Sirius, smirking, "Pull yourself together, Evans..."

Remus laughed.