The Marauders: Year Four

This. Is. It.

"Fuck it!" Sirius suddenly said aloud.

"What?" Remus started to look up from his book.

But Sirius had already moved - in a roaring moment of deep clarity in which he made his choice once and for all, Sirius had pushed himself forward from the couch cushions, slid his hand into the curls atop Remus's head, pulling him backward so that Rey was forced to be looking up toward the ceiling and Sirius was looking down into his eyes, "I can't take it another bloody second, Moony," he said - and without any further hesitation, he tilted his head to one side and pressed his mouth against Remus's - hard.

The kiss seemed to last forever. Sirius pressing down against Remus, his fingers in Remus's hair, and resting against his chin, holding him in place. The stress left Remus's shoulders and he dropped his textbook to the floor with a thump and his hands shook. He was sure he was dreaming, sure he'd wake up and discover that he'd fallen asleep by the fireplace, and Sirius had never been back to the room yet at all... even as Sirius's mouth moved against Remus's, his teeth lightly biting onto Remus's lower lip, their breaths mixing between their mouths, it still seemed surreal.

It couldn't possibly be real.

Needing to know that it was truly real, Remus tugged away, breathless, and rushed to stand up before Sirius could catch him again. Remus's lanky, narrow frame silhouetted against the fire in the hearth that crackled as the fire was slowly dying.

Sirius watched as Remus literally reached for his forearm and pinched it - hard enough to leave a mark on the skin, wincing at the pain of it.

Real, he realized, This... this is bloody real. Sirius Black's just kissed me. And it's real.

To say Remus was shocked would have been the greatest understatement in the history of all of time. He stared at Sirius, unable to breathe properly, his mouth still tingling from the touch of Sirius's wet lips. He stared at his friend for a long moment, his heart thumping in his chest, unsure what to think.

"Sirius --" he said, his voice pleading, "You have no idea what you're doing to me and I can't take it if you're just messing about."

Sirius stared up at Remus. "I'm not just messing about, Moony..."

Remus didn't dare to move, not even to blink. He pinched himself again, just in case.

"What do you keep doing that for?" Sirius asked, "Pinching yourself?"

"I'm making sure I'm really awake and this isn't me just dreaming it up, dreaming you up, dreaming that kiss up..." Remus answered thickly.

"You're not dreaming, Moony," Sirius said lowly, his voice rasping from the depth of his chest.

"You're sure I'm not?" he asked, "I... I feel as though I am."

Sirius shook his head in disbelief at how... how Moony he was being and a chuckle escaped him, rumbling. "Merlin's beard, Moony. I fucking love you."

Remus couldn't react. He couldn't feel, couldn't breathe. How long had he waited for those words? How long had he cried himself to sleep only to dream of this moment? This was the fantasy that had kept him waking up and breathing in and out through all of the rubbish that he'd been through.. through the worst of times, this moment, this one right here - right now - that look in Sirius Black's eyes - this was what had kept him alive.

He though to himself, burning the moment indelibly into his mind: This. Is. It.

"I'd like to be your boyfriend... your super, super gay boyfriend," Sirius said with a bit of a laugh to his voice, and then his eyes grew very serious, very anxious, nearly pleading... "Will you have me, Moony?"

Remus couldn't take anymore.

He threw himself at Sirius just like that, straddling him on the couch so that he was kneeling over him, one knee by either hip, his hands on Sirius's shoulders and his mouth to his mouth. Sirius's body was hard with muscle and sinew, just as Remus had always imagined it would be in this fantasy. His white t-shirt was tight to his skin, which flexed with his muscles as he moved his arms up Remus's back, pulling him closer. Remus ran his hands up the sides of Sirius's face to his hair - that glorious hair that he'd always wanted to run his hands through like this, but had never thought he'd be allowed to - and he clung on, kissing Sirius's lips and feeling Sirius's teeth nipping at his lower lip again, as every ounce of desire he'd suppressed over all this time boil through his veins.

Sirius had never felt a thing like it. It was as though all his life he'd been eating bland, tasteless food and here was a dash of a red-hot spice that consumed him from the inside out. He pulled Remus closer, his hands on his sides, sliding across his back under his school uniform, over the puckering scars that lined his back. Each scar his fingers touched aroused him more. This boy - this wolf was devouring him whole.

Moony - his Moony.

"Oh Merlin, Rey," whispered Sirius, and he laid to the side, pulling Remus with him, on top of him, feeling the weight of him stretch across his body. Every nerve was on fire. It was everything. -everything - that he'd wanted all this time. "I can't believe I waited so long for this," whispered Sirius, closing his eyes.

"I love you," Remus said. "I think I always have."

"Always?"

Remus nodded, "I didn't know it, but looking back you always made me feel welcomed and safe. The first words you said to me, ever, were -- You can sit with me. And you patted the spot next to you in our compartment, the spot by the window, the one I always sit in..."

Sirius stared up at Remus. "I don't even remember that."

"I do. I always will. You were the first person on the entire train that didn't stare at my scar as though I were a pariah. You just accepted me. You've always accepted me. You were the first person in my life that made me believe it didn't matter about my Furry Little Problem... the first one who told me I wasn't a monster... I feel human when I'm with you."

"You are human."

"No. I'm a werewolf."

"Only once a month."

"You're the first person that's ever looked at it that way."

"Then I suppose I'm the only one that matters," Sirius said, his voice deep in his throat.

"I suppose you are," Remus replied, and stared down at Sirius, his eyes searching his. "You're sure that I'm not dreaming? I'm not going to wake up and find I'm alone again? And you're off at the ball doing Merlin knows what with Merlin knows who?"

"You're not dreaming," Sirius said thickly, "But I can't promise that I'm not."

Remus reached for Sirius's arm and gave it a little pinch.

"Ouch," said Sirius, smiling.