Finding Bliss

One Door Closes

Last Summer

"We could just talk about this y'know? You don't have to sit here and yell at me," I spoke soft, like a mother talking to her newborn baby.

"No! Every time I try to talk to you without raising my voice the conversation is never settled. We lie and say we've reached a compromise, but we never do," you threw a temper tantrum like a five year old, your book hitting the floor of the taxi mimicking the sound of my car hood popping.

"You know I don't like unnecessary noise Stevie," breathing in like I had been underwater and just came up for air.

"Aye, buddy I don't know what you and your girl are going through back there, but don't throw your shit in my taxi," the older man says with a New Yorker twang.

You and your snake like grin and slit green eyes, always knew how to fuck me up mentally, not one word said and you already thought you had me cowering like a like a lost puppy. And you did, you knew confrontation was never my cup of tea and you waited until we were in the middle of time square to tell me that you were dog shit tired of dealing with me, of being strung along on my helpless little heart strings.

"Don't start Stevie," my forehead pinched warning you.

"Or what," you taunted me and I shook my head at you.

"Why do you have to do that, why can't you just respect what I want and just shut the hell up, when I ask you too," I almost whined but I remembered, we're twenty-three, adults don't whine like children. If we're taking your route adults just try to get even, like we're back in high school with a dumb vengeance and a shit load of insecurities. You always wanted to go back to high school and relive your "glory days" of being the popular jock; I always mention it, as a way of reminding you that mentally you never checked out of your asshole jock ways. That's why you left high school and went to college, to join another football team. I didn't know you then but, I know you're still the same.

"Isn't the pot calling the kettle black. Don't I always ask you that same question," he laughs.

No you always yelled or commanded that question, no, statement at me, especially when it's something you didn't want to hear, not when I was in the right. You're so childish.

"No, now could we just, enjoy this vacation and not argue in front of the taxi driver," I mumble exhausted.

It was you who wanted to take this damn trip and I was so excited we flew from Charlotte to New York and you didn't complain to me the whole trip. I thought it was because you knew the type of family girl I was and how this trip felt like a mini family vacation, a place we've never been to before, together, doing things, we've never done together. I never thought your stiff and independent infrastructure with me would ever loosen up, not unless of course, you were drunk. Then fun was the main goal with you. All I had planned on your long list of things to fuck up for me today was go to Time's Square and see all the big lights, billboards and smell a city drenched and polluted with gas and food. Maybe even visit the places my new internships were at. And you couldn't even give me that after fifteen minutes of getting out of the car and navigating our way to the center of the madness, big surprise.

"Could you slow down? I'm only but so tall and my legs don't stretch as far as yours. I'm like a baby giraffe to you," I try to make a joke with you, because I know traveling for more than two hours makes you a grumpy old man because you can't move around on your own free will.

"You exaggerate way too much, you're such a child," you state like we're on a football field and I was 50 yards away and I got five year old stomping mad at you, my usual calm face slipping in a matter of seconds.

"And you're an inconsiderate jerk face, who'll never learn how to treat anyone with respect," I grin up at you like I'd won the lottery, I spoke my mind and you didn't expect that.

I've always thought of myself as kind and gentle. I never spoke too much about trivial things but I could talk your ear off if I was passionate enough about the specific topic. But with you around, I always doubted myself.

Like the time you went to Miami with your football team for the weekend, a way of celebrating a "dope ass" easy win. And I was livid when I saw the aftermath of that trip, so I played devil's advocate because,

"Who the fuck was she and why did you feel the need to be airtight close with her? If I could've made it there would that have happened? Would you have respected me then, because you couldn't embarrass me in front of all of our friends or would you still have been an inconsiderate drunk, stumbling over naked feet and spilt beer," I threw my words in your face.

Then, I remembered where we were and what you were trying to do,

"Two years ago you were still compassionate, 5'11", green eyed and sweet and heady like lilac wine. You had no problems with me then," I sounded like a whisper in the middle of Time's Square.

"That's because I didn't know what a 5'4" short, little mess of a girl you would become. How insecure and uncertain you'd act. How untrusting of me you'd become, simply because I admitted to making some mistakes. But I never shied away from change, I always tried for you. You never try to change for me. We we're never in love anyway," Your new name is douche to me as I stare at you as if you've grown two heads.

"We'll this 5'4" average height, kind and caring girl no longer needs or wants to be your girlfriend anymore! So, no need to worry about my messy problems anymore. I'll leave them here in New York with our uncomfortable crowd of people watching.Oh, and you're so right, I never loved you anyway. Fuck you, have a nice life. I am with court hearing honesty wishing you the legit best, asshole," I storm into the crowd of people, done with wrecking a quite havoc.

"Theia, you're my ride home," I hear a faint and confused adult male scream like a little boy.

"Not anymore," I smiled, getting what I always wanted from him in years, silence.