I'm Sorry

Chapter 1

I can't believe my baby is finally coming home tonight. He has been away for so long, ahh I am so excited. I feel like that little fan again. Anxiously waiting at the airport for my muffin man to land back in Toronto. Now the time has come, I feel slightly sick, probably just the nerves, well that is what I am telling myself. Deep breathes, deep breathes. It is a happy moment, Shawn is coming home, then why am I nervous? Has he found someone new? Will he be disappointed to see me? Oh pull yourself together Natalie. The plane will arrive any time soon. Of course he will be happy to see me. A few hours later the plane, his plane pulls in. I feel like the butterflies in my stomach are trying to escape through my mouth. There he is. I see him. He is walking towards me. Oh what do I do? Because crying is definitely the right thing to do, oh gosh this is embarrassing, stop crying, come on stop crying. Nope no need, he brushes his warm, soft hands over my face, I didn't realise how much I missed him until now. The drive home felt magical, he told me all about his tour and his experiences, how I wish I could have travelled with him.

Many months passed, Shawn has been on and off going to different shows and I have been getting extremely ill, I have been really bloated and I am really worried. I don't want to scare Shawn, I want to make sure he performs his best, I know he will but if he gets worried there is always the grudge in his throat. I decided to speak to Karen and see what she says. She told me... She told me... Oh I can't. Never mind, it's not that serious. I need to take my mind off things so I text Shawn. He has to go on stage in a few minutes but when has that ever stopped us. We talk until the second he steps onto the stage and causes girls and boys to break down due to his fabulousness. Bless him, he is always scared before performing, but when he is up there he is the brightest star in the universe. I guess I better get some rest before I need to pick him up from the airport again tomorrow.

"Shawn, there is something I need to tell you". All he replies is that unless I am on the verge of dying he just wants to spend time with me until he goes back on tour. Every time I try and talk to him he changes topic. He has been acting very strange, usually he  loves listening to my voice, usually he just stays silent until I am finished talking. Does he know something? What if.... No he wouldn't. He couldn't. But what if he does? Anyways I am just going to make the most of him being here before he goes travelling again. When he leaves my arms, I still haven't told him, I guess it just washed over me, I never really thought about it, he was there in the moment and I didn't want to lose that. It is now June. He is performing in London later but I can't hold it any longer. But how to tell him. Should I text or call? I suppose text so he has time to think before replying, but I would like to hear him. Oh this is hard. Ok I will text him.