The world according to Alicia (Girl X Girl)

Chapter 11

Chapter 11
She took a breath and already I could tell whatever it was she wanted to talk about had her extremely nervous. Not that I could blame her, my own heart was beating at a thousand miles a minute just from seeing her.

"Well, there's this girl," she started, tugging at the frayed edges of her black and purple jacket, "We haven't known each other very long. In fact our meeting was by pure chance, but we've spent some time together and we used to talk on the phone. Everything was going fine until I messed it all up."

"How did you mess up?" I inquired curious to see where this conversation would be heading. She took a breath and tugged her fingers through her hair, shuffling on her feet as she tried to find the right way to explain. I swallowed hard and smoothed my hands across the skirt of my dress, my own anxiety rising as silence occurred around us.

"I kissed her." She spoke so softly I almost didn't hear what she said. I leaned forward slightly, careful not to give away too much of my face to her,
"I'm sorry, can you please repeat that?"

She looked up at me, her eyes shining under the glow of one of the nearby street lamps.
"I kissed her, we were out having a picnic and a nice time and I kissed her. She had every right to be upset with me, I shouldn't have done something so brazen without her permission. But I can't stop thinking about her; I can't stop thinking that maybe there had been something there, that maybe if I hadn't been so forward and if I had just taken things a little slower maybe we really could've had something."

Through the screen I could see her eyes watering and my heart rocked with my own sadness and guilt. In going through my own exploration, I didn't stop to think about how the sudden separation would've effected Roxanne, let alone my own heart.

"I'm sure she isn't upset with you. Have you tried to contact her?"
"Yes, I keep thinking about calling or texting her but I always back out, I always get afraid that she'll tell me not to bother her or not to contact her and I don't know if I can handle that. "

I sighed and ran my hand down my face, not caring if I smudged my makeup at this point, nothing mattered besides how we were feeling. What were the odds that we would have the same fears, the same reservations, the same emotions towards each other. It had only been a few weeks, not nearly enough time for anything concrete to flourish; but I wanted to know Roxanne much better, I wanted to be able to develop and create something special with her.

"She doesn't want to stop talking to you." I said after moments of silence. Roxanne stopped and looked up at me, her eyes shinning with partial tears.
"How do you know that?"
I swallowed my nerves and pushed open the door to the booth and stepped out, walking around to the front of the booth and facing Roxanne.

"Because I feel the same way."

She froze and looked at me, her eyes widening in shock. I blushed and scratched the back of my head sheepishly, hoping I hadn't just made a mistake myself.

"You, you really mean that? You're not just saying that because I just basically poured my heart out to you? Because if this is just out of pity please save it."
"No Roxanne, I'm not trying to pity you. I mean it, it's why I haven't been talking to you lately myself. You surprised me with something like that and I needed time to process what happened and how I felt about it. I don't hate you, I highly doubt I'd be able to. I just needed some time to think."

She nodded her head and tucked her hands into the pockets of her jeans, rocking back and forth on her heels in silence. I gulped and smoothed the sweat from my hands onto my dress. The streets were all but deserted now, with most of the people having gone to the spirit house or some other activity. All that remained were a few of the college kids talking and laughing amongst  themselves and laughing loudly, they were far too absorbed into their own conversations to really hear, or care about what Roxanne and I were talking about.