Despondency

Prologue

"It's been hard, you know?" Hannah explains, sat slouched in the recliner. 

Her therapist nods her head in understanding but she will never truly know or understand, they never do. They just pretend too. These therapists they pretend to understand the pain, they pretend to care. All they are really there for is the money. They get some degree in psychology and think that they are some damn professionals. They don't understand until they live through what Hannah Grace has lived through. They diagnosis her with some type of depression, they give her medication; they expect everything to be okay. It's never going to be okay. (At least that is what Hannah Grace felt) She sat there in the same recliner that she sits in every single Saturday, as she tries to explain the things that she feels. But, it's not that easy. It's really not easy at all, trying to explain the things that you wish weren't there. "It's the same dream every night?" Her therapist questions her again, writing down every single word that Hannah spoke into her notebook. The notebook that she kept only Hannah's information in. It was a nice notebook, despite the horrible things written inside of it. The cover that protected the pages inside, was a black leather exterior. It was such a pretty notebook. 

One blink they were there. Two blinks they were moving faster. Three blinks and there was a screaming Hannah. She begun shifting around on the recliner, begging pleading for the torture to end. Her therapist watches her moves intently, writing down every little single thing that she saw. She didn't help Hannah, she didn't even bother to try to stop her outburst. She knew if she even tried, she couldn't stop it. This wasn't the first time that Hannah had an outburst in her office. Hannah's therapist was just thankful that Hannah didn't seem to of break anything this time. Like she had previously before. Hannah's therapist sat quiet and still. 

It wasn't long after Hannah had left the building that she had a lit cigarette in her hand, puffing away and inhaling the disgusting fumes. Hannah didn't like cigarettes at all, however the nicotine rush seemed to of calmed her down every single time she lit one. Drugs, they were the only way to calm Hannah. Now of course Hannah only being sixteen, she wasn't some hardcore drug addict. She didn't take any type of hardcore deadly drugs, nothing but nicotine and cannabis. She pretty much did this on a daily. She smoked her little heart away, until her daze was just at it's peek. She'd get high as a kite, any chance that she could. The 'THC' seemed to temporarily paused the pain that Hannah constantly felt. 

Hannah Grace wasn't your average teenage girl, she lived her life at home, doing online classes. Hannah being home-schooled of course never really gave her many friends. She had met one friend, one friend only. To which was her next door neighbor, the girl was six years younger than Hannah. If anything Hannah spent her free time with the girl babysitting her, while her parents were out. Regardless of the age difference though Hannah did enjoy spending time with the girl. That was of course until just last year, when the girl and her family had moved out of state. Once again leaving Hannah alone to sulk in her sorrow. 

Hannah was alone, that's how it had always been and how it always will be. There is no fixing loneliness. See with depression, Hannah could feel alone in a room full of a hundred people or more. That was of course with the leading thought that she would be judged, or hated by every single person in that room. Hannah never had any self confidence, she never felt a reason too. That was of course until he came along, Samuel Collins, the boy she had always been looking for; whether she knew it or not. This is Despondency.