SULA AND ROCKY

02.

                       Rocky and Olive's relationship wasn't perfect. They fought most of the time. Olive had a blood curling scream, and Rocky just shut down whenever she shouted at him. The silence was what annoyed her the most. She told me he hated confrontation. It was like talking to a brick wall. He left his body whenever they argued, and made Olive feel like she was the crazy one.

I had only agreed to meet him so I could give him back the jumper. The last thing I wanted was to cause drama unintended. My converses were filthy but they were the first pair of shoes I set my eyes on before leaving the house. At least the rest of my outfit followed in pursuit. A blue vest and shorts, it was too hot to wear anything full sleeved. The sun was sweltering but I was afforded a few moments of cool breeze when I walked under trees and the colourful houses. I held Rocky's jumper close to my chest as I entered the busy park. School had just ended so there were a lot of kids flooding in through the gates wearing their uniform. An ice cream van sounded in the distance and all their little heads turned in unison.

"Sula." A familiar voice called my name. My eyes moved up his body, from the grey jogging bottoms, the white t shirt and the gym bag over his shoulders. His hair was damp, flat against his temple and his nose was slightly pink. Fresh out of the swimming pool no doubt. I cowered at how handsome he looked without trying.

I tucked my hair behind my ears, looking down at my raggedy shoes and how no thought had gone into my mismatched outfit. Yet I didn't look as good as he did. We sat side by side on the bench, neither of us said a thing. Watching the kids play and people walk their dogs. The sun beamed down on the grass, casting skewed shadows everywhere. There were hardly any clouds in the sky, the ones that were out resembled white rabbits. Finally, I turned to look at him and handed him the jumper. Unaware of the fact that I had been holding onto it all that time. "Thank you." All I could think about was how he pulled me out of the water that evening. How he was the only thing that stood between me and death. Rocky Nakamura Hart. Captain of the swim team. Pisces. Six foot four. Brown hair. Green eyes. Olive's ex boyfriend.

He knit his brows together. "You don't have to do that."

"I can't keep it."

"You don't have to pretend nothing happened." I looked down at our hands and how they were nearly touching. My stomach felt heavy like I had swallowed a metal bar. Still, I didn't know what to say. Words were difficult. They churned inside of me like a meat grinder but all I had to offer was dust. I wasn't like Olive, there wasn't anything charming about me. "I just wanted to know if you were okay."

"I don't need your pity, Rocky," I spat. Harsher than I anticipated. Perhaps that dust had turned to broken glass.

He shook his head. "It's not that." A difficult breath left his pink lips, he too was struggling to find the right words. "We were friends once too."

I kicked the gravel beneath my feet. Friendship was a stretch for what we had. Our only common ground was Olive. At school, we barely spoke to each other without her presence. It was due to the fact we floated in different social circles. Olive was our only tether. I didn't have anyone but her. We were quiet, had our own table in the canteen and we always got put into the same classes so that I was grateful for. The idea of having to make new friends made me want to peel my skin back entirely. Rocky was popular. Whatever that meant nowadays. He was captain of the swim team and he was the smartest in every class he was in. Teachers adored him. Girls and boys alike wanted to be him or be with him. His popularity was never grating. No one had found it obnoxious. There was a gravity to it that had just always felt right. "We don't have to make this a thing. I'm not suicidal." My fingernail dug deeply into the palm of my hand. "Besides, if anyone knew I was talking to you. They'd crucify us."

Rocky dismissed the notion with a wave of his hand. "I don't care." His bright eyes glittered in the sun. "I stopped caring about all of that a long time ago."

I wanted to tell him that I cared. Unlike him, I was tender to the touch and wouldn't have been able to live with myself knowing that I had hurt Olive. "When you broke you up with Olive over text?"

He winced. A searing moment passed before he answered again. "It's complicated."

"Yeah." I sounded unconvinced. How complicated could life have been for him? He lived in one of the biggest houses in the area, he had two parents, a whole school that loved him and he once had Olive Toussant Khair as his girlfriend. Life seemed so fucking complicated. My nail sunk deeper into my flesh.

"Olive and I..." He ran his fingers through his hair. "We weren't good for each other. I couldn't be the guy she needed me to be. I—" Then he cut himself off mid sentence and just stopped. It was as if he was pulling all the words back down his throat again until it reached somewhere warm and safe in his stomach. There was something that needed to be said but there was no courage for it to be spoken. "I'm sorry about your dad." My throat began to burn. "Coach Williams was good to me."

Yeah, even at home I couldn't escape Rocky. If it wasn't Olive who was droning on about him constantly, it was my dad who couldn't stop going on about what a good swimmer Rocky was. Rocky was the son that he never had. I felt my eyes sting. "I need to go." I stood up suddenly, my palms were sticky with blood.

Rocky grabbed my hand and turned it over to look. His eyes wilted as he glanced up at me. With every fibre of my being, I tried not to cry in front of him. "Don't, please," he pleased.

"I don't want to talk about my dad." The more I spoke, the more life I would have breathed into the truth of his death. Maybe if I could speak backwards, then time would move that way too and I could have more time with him. Tell him everything that I had never told him before. Secrets made me heavy.

"You don't have to," he said. "We can talk about anything you want."

No part of me could understand why he was so desperate for my company. I wasn't like Olive. Conversation didn't come easy to me. I had no second skin. No layers to peel back. I was just a flesh and bones and I was so fucking tired. However, I supposed I owed Rocky my life. I wiped my bloodied hand on the back of my shorts and backed away. "Thank you for the jumper." I didn't even know if he heard me. My voice had been reduced to just a whisper at that point. He didn't stop me this time. His head hung low as I walked off. Once I turned my back towards him, I started to sob. 

AUTHORS NOTE:

BRUHH this is so trash but I don't care. We out here trying to practice writing. I have no real direction with this story but just pure vibes innit.