Forever is a Lie- A Larry Stylinson Fanfic

Chapter 4

January 24th 6:34 am

"Lou. Lou. Wake up. Please." I hear Harry sniffle between words.

"What Harry?" I groan. "Its 6 in the morning, what is so im-" I look at Harry as the tears fall from his eyes. In his hands he holds hair. His hair. My heart feels like its breaking all over again. I grab Harry and hold him close. I knew this would happen. And I was hoping Harry was prepared for it. But I don't think anyone could ever be prepared for this.

"Louis, why is this happening to me? What,what, did I ever do to deserve this?" My hearts shatters.

"I don't know babe. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. And I wish every day I could just take all this pain away from you and give it to me, because you don't deserve this Harry."

"No one does." He snuffles. And there's Harry. Always thinking of other people before himself. A part of me wishes I was more like him.

"I promise you, if I could find some way to make you live longer or better or not having cancer at all I would Harry! I promise you that! I love you Harry so much, and it kills me to see you everyday in so much pain. And now your losing hair. And everyday you say your fine but I know your not Harry. I see it in your eyes. Your dying for christ sake! I wouldn't be ok either! I know you don't tell me a lot of things because you don't want to worry me more, but not telling me makes it so much worse! I can't stand not knowing what your thinking, or what your feeling! Harry I fucking love you! I love you to the moon and back and I don't think you even realize that! I wake up everyday hoping that this is all some sick joke. That god is just testing you because your better then everyone else. And I'm praying that he'll come in and save you, but each day I see you get worse and worse and I know there's no saving you. And I know I shouldn't be saying this to you, but I scared Harry! I'm scared for you! I'm scared for me! And I'm scared for the future, because after you die, I'll be a mess, and I just don't know how I'm suppose to live without you! How do you live without someone your madly in love with!? How do I let you go!? I can't Harry! And I know when you go you're going to take a part of me with you. You already have my heart Harry, and I know when you leave your not going to give it back." I sit there picking at the hem on my sweat pants. I can't believe I said that to him but it needed to be said. I love Harry, and if doesn't undertand that I'm nothing without him...

"Louis...I...I don't know what to say. Louis...I love you. And..and-"

I dive into him. Our lips crush together into a sloppy kiss, but I don't care. I reach to hold his hair in my hands like I always do, but all I feel is skin, and the sadness comes back. Harry tries to pull away because he can feel it too but I don't let him. Not this time. This time I'm not letting him go.

"I love you Lou."

"I love you too Harry."

"Forever."

"Forever." I breath, even though I know its only a lie.

I hope Harry knows I will miss him more then words can describe. I've told him everything I possible can. So even if he dies tonight, if he happens to take his last breath tonight, at least I've said everything i've needed to say. For once I feel a small point of happiness. But it only last for a breif second, before hell comes crashing back in.

***

We spend serveral hours like this and eventually Harry gets up to use the bathroom. I gather the remaining hair that's on his pillow and throw it out. In a way it feels like I'm throwing out a piece of Harry. Like I just said goodbye to a part of him. Even though it was a small, senseless piece of Harry, it hurt to let go. And I knew at that moment I was screwed. Big time.

Harry leaves to go make breakfast. I decied to remake the bed seaming as its full of sweat on my side and full of hair on Harry's. I look out the window and see the snow glistening on the ground. It looks so beautiful. I feel a emptiness in my stomach when I relaize that this is the last time Harry will ever see snow. This is his last winter. I don't know what came over me, but I drop everything and run downstairs.

"Someone's in a good mood." He chuckled.

"Come with me!" I said grabbing his hand.

"But the bacon will burn!" He groans. He sounds like his 6.

"Oh, its fine. You'll be fine."

"Where are you taking me anyway."

"We're going to do something for the last time. And you're going to enjoy for the last time. So suck it up because your not getting out of this."

"Oh really." He tries to hide his grin. "Well that sucks for you doesn't it because I'm not going." I can tell he's joking so I play along.

"But...but...Harry. I had this whole plan, and it was going to be perfect, and its your last winter." I pout.

"But the baconnnnn."

"Oh hush. I'll buy you more bacon."

"Ok!"

We hurry outside into the snow. We should have put on some jackets but I can't see what the cold is going to do to two people who are dying for different reasons. I jumped into the snow, falling face first. The coldest pricks at me skin, but it feels nice to have some kind of pain, that doesn't hurt so bad. The snow makes me feel numb.

"Louis, you'll get frost bite. Get up."

I stumble up feeling the full coldest set in. The wind whips at my skin, and leaves my flesh raw and sore. But I don't care. I pick up some snow and throw it at Harry. He looks the least bit surprised, almost like he knew I would do that. We have a giant snowball fight and we both end up frozen with our clothes soaked and snow in our hair. He looks stunning with the snow through his remaining hair. If you were to look at the both of us and try and pick which one was sick, you'd pick me, because compared to Harry, I really do look sick. My skin's pale, my hair thin, my eyes tired. Me knowing Harry is going to die, is taking a bigger toll on me then if I was dying myself. I look at Harry. Rosy cheeks. Red lips. Smile, with the perfect dimples. How can I let something so perfect like that go?