Thirty Four

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SeolHyun's POV

This morning is extra hard. It's the morning of my D-day. The day I'll confront my mother with the letter I wrote this night. And I can't wait until it's over and done with. That way I'll never have to see her again and my healing process can really begin.

Wonho is still asleep on the bed while I'm sitting in a chair, looking out over the landscape of houses packed together. There is something about this scenery that makes you want to think about earlier times, about the times when everything was alright. Except that for me, there are no such times. I've lived inside this bubble of fear all my life, there hasn't been a single day that I haven't been scared and scarred from all the things she did to me.

After today I hope all of that will change. Finally, I'll be able to start a life for myself. To build my career and maybe even be happy with Wonho. I deserve as much as that. She won't be able to rob that away from me. Wonho is the only constant thing in my life, the only one standing by my side as I try to recover from all of the wounds that were inflicted on me.

"Stop staring out of that window," I hear him groan from the bed. I shift my gaze over to him as a small smile forms on my lips. His eyes meet mine and he instantly smiles too. "Have you been up long?"

"For a while", more like the whole night, but I won't tell him that. He doesn't need to worry even more about me.

"You should've woken me up", he accuses me and shifts to the side of the bed. He then gets up and walks over, pulling me up for a hug. He hasn't kissed me ever since it all went down with my mom, but I'm sure it's because he doesn't want to push me into anything.

"You were so cute when you were asleep. It would've been such a waste", I muse against his chest as his strong arms encircle me. It's my little safe place.

"I am not cute", I can hear the pout forming on his lips. He is cute, whatever he says or thinks. I know Wonho wants to be sexy and appealing, but this is just something he can't escape. He is naturally cute most of the time.

"Fine", I laugh and pull back a little to see his face. There is the pout I was talking about. It's always present in these kind of situations. I shake my head at him and he kisses my forehead.

"Are you ready?" his question isn't really surprising. We both know what has to happen today. There is no point in denying it.

"I don't think I'll ever be ready", I say in a hushed voice. It's true. I'll never be ready for this thing, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have to happen. The sooner we're done with this, the sooner I can go home. My real life is waiting for me there.

Wonho simply nods and kisses me nose. He seems in a kissing mood and I lift my head a little so he can kiss my lips. I'm so done with the chaste kisses along my face, I want a real kiss for once. He gets the hint and leans down, painfully slow if you ask me. It's like he's asking me for permission to kiss me. That's it. I've had it with this taking it slow. I close the distance between our lips and connect them in a firm kiss. Wonho seems shocked at first but gives in really quickly. His arms are still around me and pull me in closer against his chest as our lips move in sync. The world around us seems to disappear and all I can think about is Wonho and his body against mine. This is what I needed all along, to forget about everything. And Wonho is the best means to an end. One of his hands travels up my back and entangles itself with my hair as we keep on kissing. His lips open slightly and mine do the same. It's as if my body has a will of its own and responds to everything he does.

His breath mixes in with mine and I honestly can't tell where I end and he begins. Our tongues play together as the kiss deepens. Our bodies are moving together too, stumbling back onto the bed. I'm on top of Wonho as his remaining hand rests just above the small of my back. He doesn't dare go any lower or we'll both lose our self-control. We break apart, foreheads leaning against each other and both panting like crazy. I'm trying to catch my breath. 

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