Let You Go

Chapter 29

Ryder drove the jeep, his hand on my knee the entire time. My mom was smiling and acting as if yesterday hadn't happened. Which was nice. For once it seemed like we were just a normal little family going on a trip. Ryder would squeeze my knee every once and a while when I got quiet. I kept him smiling by singing along to the radio.

Mom brought so much stuff I was surprised she could fit it into the back. She had chairs and baskets and bags. She had towels and sheets and everything you could need for a day at the beach. She didn't even have to ask, Ryder took the heavy lifting and trudged through the sand. He made us a spot right near the tide.

Once we were settled in I sat down on the blanket and watched as she ran into the water. She seemed better, as if yesterday's crying had cleansed her soul. Maybe that's what she needed, the same way I had done when Aimee died. One full day to fall apart. And then you found the strength to slowly rebuild.

"Do you think she's really okay?" Ryder laid down beside me, squinting up at the sun. It was only noon. I smiled as I crossed my legs and took a bite of the sandwich mom had packed for me.

I sighed, "once when I was eight my grandmother called. It wasn't the holidays so it was rare for her to call us like that. But whatever she said to my mom threw her over the edge. It's the only time I've seen her like that. Like the way she was yesterday. She wouldn't get out of bed and she cried and cried. I remember crawling into her bed and just crying with her, asking her to stop so she could be my mom again."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "she never told me what happened, but after that day she spent in bed she never mentioned it again. She took me and Aimee to the beach, just like this, and somehow she was my mom again. It was as if it had never happened. I don't know why, but the salt water soothes her soul. The same way you soothe mine."

I leaned down and kissed him, tasting suntan lotion and water as he pulled away. He thumb tapped my chin as his thumb ran over my bottom lip.

"You and your mom. You two are the strongest women I've never known."

I laid down beside him, flipping over on my stomach. I grabbed his arm before he could tickle me and smiled, "and don't you forget it."

He was laughing as I tried to keep him pinned down. Except he was stronger and he picked me up off of him, throwing me over his shoulder as he made his way towards the water. I kicked my legs, squealing loudly as he stood beside my mom and then she nodded.

He walked into the ocean, my squealing turning into laughter as the cool water hit my skin. I sucked in a mouthful of air before he threw me under and I knew no matter how bad my days could get, Ryder would always be the one who could pull me back out.

We spent a few hours laughing and splashing each other in the waves. I was panting and exhausted as I threw myself down on the sheet. I closed my eyes, ready for a nap. Until a shadow crossed over my face.

"Ryder I swear to god," I was about to curse him and tell him to leave me be. But when I opened my eyes it wasn't Ryder standing there. No it was the same little girl from the last time I had come here. The little girl who had told me I needed to cry out all my tears to smile again.

She gave me a toothless grin, "it's you. And your hair is short," she reached out and touched the stuff strands. 

"Eliza," she seemed surprised I had remembered her name, "I'm not crying this time."

She nodded her head, "I told you. A heart full of smiles."

She wrapped her arounds around my neck and hugged me tightly. I smiled as I held her close, thinking about Aimee and all the moments we had shared like this. All the times I had been too sure I'd see her again so I never told her how much she meant to me. I took for granite our life and how good we had it.

"Thank you," I smiled as she pulled away, "you didn't have to be nice to me, but you were. Thank you, for making me smile."

She grabbed my hand as Ryder came walking up the sand. She giggled, seeing him towering over her, "is this your friend?"

"Eliza, this is Ryder my boyfriend," Ryder sat down beside me, "Ryder this is Eliza, the little girl I told you about."

He reached out and shook her head, "wow she's adorable. You know my little sister, her middle name was Eliza. And boy do you remind me of her."

Her eyes flashed, "really?"

He nodded, squinting against the sun as his dark curls shook free of the salt water, "yeah. Aimee and Cash here were best friends. She told me about a little girl with the same name as her."

Eliza blushed and then giggled before someone called for her. She looked over towards where she had come from, "I have to go. I'm glad you aren't sad anymore."

She hugged me again and I almost fell backwards from her assault, "he's cute. You shouldn't let other girls look at him."

I laughed as she ran off before I could say anything to her whispered words. Ryder looked at me like I was crazy as I leaned into him, "she's a smart girl."

He hooked an arm around my shoulders, "yeah. She really is."

He kissed my temple as my mom kept splashing in the water. I closed my eyes listening to the waves and imagining how this moment could be even more perfect. If only Aimee was here, settled on the other side of me, gagging at how much Ryder liked to keep his hands on me. 

Then again Eliza had popped up. Maybe Aimee was checking on me. I smiled as I opened my eyes and looked up at the bright blue sky. The white clouds dotted the perfect painting above us. It's okay Aims, I got him. I promise you I'll look after him.

Aimee was always protective of her brother. So I knew in promising her this I was tangling my heart further. But I was a girl who kept her word. I never made a promise I couldn't keep. And I wasn't about to start breaking them now. 

"Promise me we'll come back here," I whispered softly as the wind blew through my hair, "you and me. On the anniversary of that terrible day. We'll pay tribute to Aimee here."

He laughed his fingers through mine and smiled, "I would promise you the moon if it meant you would smile as much as you have today."

My eyes met his as he kissed my cheek, "I don't want the moon. Just promise me you'll stay. That's all I need."

Ryder's voice was soft in my ear. But it was deep and dark. It was as familiar as the back of my hand, "I promise. I'm never letting go."