Let You Go

Chapter 7

The room was spinning. It was incredibly hot in my small room, like my mom had turned the heat back on. I was sweating and my pillow was hard. I opened my eyes, it felt like something was crawling down my arm. I didn't have time to think about Ryder's fingers drawing lightly on my skin. I didn't have time to remember all the nights he had done this before, after we had slept together. I bolted up out of my bed as my stomach tightened.

I ran into the bathroom and everything from last night came back up. I closed my eyes, my body revolting at the partying I had done. I threw everything up until my stomach was empty and pinched as it tried to empty once more. I groaned as cold hands pressed against my neck. Ryder pulled my hair away from my face as I stood up.

I rinsed my mouth out as Ryder stood behind me. My bathroom was small, he was close to me. My heart was pounding as I saw the marks he left on my shoulder. I realized in that moment how much I needed him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, tears in my eyes, "you didn't have to stay. I was so mean to you last night."

He smiled, but it wasn't forced, "I'm used to it," he ran his finger down my cheek and across my lips, "that's the most you've let me touch you in a while. I missed you, Cash. I miss you."

I knew what he meant. I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing his shoulder. I had been pushing him away because I thought it would make me feel better. Instead I should've been holding on for dear life. Because he was going to help me through this better than anyone else. He was the only one who truly understood everything I was feeling.

Ryder kissed me softly, his hands holding my waist. I smiled as I pulled away, a few of my broken pieces went back into place, "you told me I taste like home," he whispered softly, his lips inches from mine, "is that still true?"

I nodded, my arms still around his neck, "you've always been my home, Ryder. I was just too scared to lose you to admit my feelings. I was too scared of Aimee and our families pulling us apart."

He kissed me again, harder this time. He pushed me up against the sink and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I would've done more, I would've let him pull me into him the way he had so many nights ago, if I hadn't heard my mother clear her throat at that very moment.

"Hi," she smiled at us as Ryder pulled back. Her arms were crossed over her chest, "I uh. I see sleeping beauty has woken with that kiss."

"Mom," I put my feet back on the ground. I knew what she was about to say, "nothing happened. I'm a big girl."

"I know. But usually sleepovers are cleared with me first," my head was pounding. Ryder looked between me and my mother and I knew he was embarrassed. I squeezed his arm, this had been my fault. I asked him to stay.

My mom sighed, "I made breakfast. I'm sure you could use it Cash. Ryder you're more than welcome to stay. I need a word with you Cash."

I kissed Ryder's cheek as I left the bathroom and followed my mom into the living room. I had never seen her so flustered before.

"Mom. I'm 19," I sat on the couch, "I've lived on my own. What is your problem?"

"What is my problem? My problem is that my daughter came home wasted last night. My 19 year old daughter who shouldn't have been drinking. Ryder carried you in here and all I could think about was Aimee. I was so worried, you just disappeared. Now you're bringing guys home? Is this a phase? Is this because of Aimee? This isn't you Cash. I didn't raise you to do this."

"I'm sorry. I just went to the party thinking it would  wake me up. I haven't been drinking like that regularly. I just, needed to feel something. But all I got was numb," my mom was pissed, "I lost my best friend. She died mom, Aimee is gone."