NEWTMAS IMAGINESS!! :P ^~^

Imagine #1 - Dark Paradise

Based on Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey from Born To Die album. Lyric video attached in media. A lot of SPOILERS and may trigger the feels. Includes contents about death and suicide. Brace yourselves. This gonna be sad. ~ REY

Thomas's POV :

I shifted my gaze from the menacing gun I killed him with over to the green fields. The laughter of children and adults was heard everywhere in Paradise. Everyone was happy after the Maze trials. It's already over. But I still felt empty. I couldn't feel anything. What left of me after he left was just a miserable aching shell of my soul.

I'm sick of those people saying that I'm the hero. Truth is, I didn't feel like a hero at all. I feel like a monster. I killed him. I killed the one I love. I couldn't get the horrifying image of the cold barrel on my hand as the unforgiving bullet pierced through his skin. I wished I could turn back even though I knew I can't. It's me or him. I should have pointed the gun on my forehead, not his. I knew he wanted me to do it to protect me yet I still felt that it was my fault.

I remembered the first time I felt his lips on mine. At that moment, my life lit up in screaming colors from depressing shades of grey and I realized heaven is a place on Earth with him and he is the one. But at the moment he laid lifeless in my arms, the world went back to a dull grayscale where nothing is at it seems. From what people see in the Paradise is an explosion of bright colors of flowers and life but for me, it's just plain dark. A dark paradise. An empty void of a numb life.

I wished on the stars every night, hoping that I could meet him again but I knew it wouldn't work. The only way I could see him is through my dreams. But I couldn't take so much pain for so many years without him. The only other way is through the Heavens. But what if he is not waiting on the other side? What if the Heavens didn't even exist?

Sometimes I could even feel his presence beside me, how the cold air wrapped around me, telling me I'm okay but I'm not. I'm never okay without him. I could feel him watching down at me from the heavens, taking care of me but I still could feel his piercing cold embrace as I cried silently every night.

Every time I close my eyes, I could see him. I could hear him talk to me. How his melodic voice would flow into my ears, telling me I'm fine. And the painful memories of me and him would come back to me, like a tall wave of the violent dark sea, enveloping and drowning me in my eternal sadness. All I could do is trash around my sea of  sorrow, I couldn't come up to breath, I couldn't go anywhere.

Then I would wake up with tears streaming down my salted cheeks and I would need to battle myself on whether to swallow back to relive our nostalgic memories or keep myself from drowning in the misery. It's too difficult to do this by myself. I need him.

I'm tired of all those people telling me to move on with it and find another lover. But how? How am I supposed to go on and continue when I'm still deeply in love with him? How am I supposed to find another love story that is better than the me and his love story? How am I supposed to stop mourning when he is all I could think of?

People always said 'Til' death do us part.' But I don't think it's right. I love him the first time, the last time and I would do anything to love him until the end of time.

I thought of the times we were together. I knew it was no long after he was gone but I missed him too much. I missed how he would embrace me in his warm cuddle as I fell asleep. I missed how he would always wait by the Maze doors and asking me how I am after i finished my run. I missed how he would defend me for all his life. I missed how he would be beside me no matter how stupid my ideas were. I missed how he would risk his life for me. And he really did.

I was the one he would take a bullet for. But I was behind the trigger. And I could never stop blaming myself for it.

My fingers snaked to the handle of the cold gun and my finger glided to the trigger. I pointed the end of the barrel to the middle of my forehead, the same place where the bullet ended his life. I took one last breath of my life. And I pulled the trigger.

The bullet hit square between my eyes and stabbed through my brain.

Then it was just black. Nothing. But I left the world with just one thought in my mind; I finally can meet my dearest Newt. I no longer had the need to only see him through my dreams as I finally didn't have to wake up from my dreams.

I'm sorry this made you cry. It made me cry too even though wrote this. So here is a cute crying tissue box for you to wipe your face with. ~ REY

Update 2/2/18 : I've added some more dramatic changes so have more fun crying so you can hydrate the scorch and save the world from dying with your tears yay.