The Gift

What if you had a gift, a special insight into people and their souls, but you could only focus on one thing, their pain.  Would you still want it?

How do you turn that gift (or perhaps curse) into something positive?  For years, for certain people I have been able to read their pain.  The pain that is buried underneath layers of self imposed protection and years of armor put in place to prevent anyone from ever seeing this part of them.  The horrible things that were done to you as a child, the abuses you suffered at the hands of others and by their words.  Those words that caused the bones and flesh that is you emotionally to break and bleed over and over again.

Do you still want this gift?

I hid it for as long as I could.  I wouldn’t use it, I hated seeing what I would see in others.  It’s like having x-ray vision to darkness and trauma.  Once you see it you can’t make it go away.  I can walk away before we talk, but usually not after.

I can’t do this for everyone, you have to have some part of you that wants to let me know.  You have to have an honest desire, albeit even a very small desire to let me in.  I didn’t say you have to want this fixed, I have found that is often not the case.  Most people just want their pain let out for a brief moment and then they want it back behind the cement walls and armor buried for none to see.  Some people I meet want parts of it let out, like steam being released to reduce the pressure on their heart and soul.  On occasion, I meet a person that truly wants it brought out to the surface, examined, discussed and dissected so they can exorcise their own demons.  The latter is the rarest of them all.

Mind you, I don’t fix anything.  I am not the soul doctor I am the technician that shows you what you have and what it has become.  I point out the areas even you have forgotten about.  I will show you the sharp edges that have grown into the blades that cause you to bleed when you venture too far out of your comfort zone into a place of healing that this buried pain does not want you to go.

I don’t really know how I do this.  I still don’t like doing it.  I feel as though I am violating you by talking about something that causes you so much perpetual damage.  But you came to me and in some form or another, you asked me, I didn’t ask you.

Usually your eyes are the first sign that you want to talk about this, or listen about this.  The pain shines black for a moment when you look at me.  Your body shakes and your flesh turns clammy.  Then you start talking to me in another voice.  That voice that is scared of what it might say.  The filters on your conscious brain turn off and you let out a few key words to tell me you are ready, or that you want me to know.

I feel the shiver of this dark gift resonate through my body.  I know what is to come and I want to leave you and avoid this.  I don’t want to do this again.  It costs me emotional energy to drop my pretenses and look into you.  I know it can help, but to watch you re-live some terrible things that have occurred to you in the past is not enjoyable.  But it is the only way you are going to open up that wound and remove the emotional shrapnel that has been their festering for so long.

I don’t want your money, I don’t want anything for this.  What I do want is you to be open to your truth.  That same truth you have hidden away from everyone, including yourself.

I see shapes and colors in you.  I have found they represent different types of pain and manifestations of trauma and drama that have made you much of what you are today.  These are symbolic things and not to be taken literally.  They should mean something to you much more than they mean to me.  Remember this is usually one of the first times we have met that this will occur.  I don’t know you well enough to know what is the day to day life you have created for others to see.  I don’t know what role you play in this world.  I don’t really want to know either.  That would cause me to be biased by the actor that you are.

If you come to me demanding answers, you will receive none.  If you come to me to test me, you will get everything you asked for, which is a series of false positives.  If you come to me open and looking for your truth, you might receive some insight as to what it is and how you have allowed it to be warped into what it is now.  I deal in the truth, if you start out with a lie, why bother, you will only be perpetuating what you know and welding another layer onto the door you have locked away in the dungeon of your soul for none to ever see.

I want to see the raw energy.  Your armor isn’t visible to me the way it is to most people.  Hence, the gift, or curse.

This process will start out slow.  I will see some things, places, smells, people or colors, among other visions.  I will ask you if these mean anything to you.  I have found you will agree more often than not and we begin our journey.  Feel free to stop at any time.  Just be honest with yourself and me.  If you are not, the pain wins and you lose.  You came to me, I didn’t come to you, choose the reason why you came and choose the thing you want to happen from our experience.

I likely won’t remember what I said to you or what we talked about.  That is just how it is for me.  In that moment the gift is partially yours, after that I cannot say what it will be or not.

The people that have experienced this know what I mean, the others usually doubt this.  I am ok either way.