Prologue

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Looking back at it all, the worst thing about that night was the look on Hanna's face that moment I stumbled into the open bedroom door. It was an expression so confused, so unfathomable, so appalled that for a while all I could do was stare. Stare at the tears. Stare at my best friend's clothes hurriedly and angrily strewn across my carpet. Stare at my boyfriend holding her down forcefully against the bed post while he assaulted her.

That feeling, it's indescribable. That moment when you realise that you have been living with nothing but lies for the past three years. How you've been stupid, and blind. Ever since that night, my chest has felt sort of closed up. Every breath and every sigh has felt like bits of metal have been forced up my rib-cage.

My dad has told me that I need to stop blaming myself. That none of it was my fault. But every time I close my eyes I see them, in my room, in bed together. And I have to live with the fact that my best friend has been emotionally scarred because of my evil stupidity.

Sometimes it feels good to get away. To pretend that none of this is actually happening. While I'm with my surfboard, everything suddenly feels better.

And now I have a whole month.

Just me and the sea.

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