We had been friend before the accident had happened. He heard what had happened to me and rushed to the hospital to see me. We were not the closest friends, but we became very, very close. He was the sweetest guy I had ever met. I told him I didn't know where I was going to stay; I didn't have any family that lived out here. I didn't want to leave; I had too many people here that I cared about. And I didn't want to go to a new school and have to make all new friends. So he took me in, let me live with him. And I have been staying with him ever since. And honestly, I’ve loved every minute of it.
After I got out of the hospital, he took care of me. Did whatever made me feel better. Every now and then I felt bad, I didn't want him to do all of that work. I was okay, but he did it out of the kindness of his heart. And I loved that, he was the only person I could open up to. And I did just that. I told him everything there was to know about me. From my past to the things I wanted in my future. He listened, and that’s all I really wanted was someone to listen to me.
We spend most of our time together, he knew everything about me. Things that no one else knew, that I couldn't even think to tell anyone. He was the only person who I could open up to. Things had never been so easy with a guy. I never go the feelings that I got with him. But then again I was only 15. A young age to believe you were falling in love with someone. But sometimes you don't want to think about that, you just want to believe.
He knew of my past, things I had done, things that happened to me. We were so close, we got older. Still close to this day, but just stronger feeling. In my case it was at least. I'm falling for him even more, but of course when I’m ready he is taken. My depressing luck that something like this had happened to me. Which is particularly the reason I gave up on trying to have a relationship, everything just seems to fall out at the seams. So why bother when you know that things are not, and will not work for you. I just decided to let things happen at will, just too kind of go with the flow. Worst mistake I ever made in my life.
After I decided to live my life like that, everything went downhill. And when I say everything I mean everything. I lost interest in everything. I gave up on school, relationships, everything. I turned into one of those lazy ass kids who just sat there waiting for the day to be over to go home. Just so they could sit there and do nothing. I didn't touch my phone, never left the house just sat there. And all that sitting there, just made me even more upset. I started skipping school because of things I was doing to myself. In and out of the hospital what seemed like every other week. Never wanting get up, never having the strength. Just wanting to sit there and be alone. I wasted away into nothing, as thin as paper slowly disappearing, that’s all I wanted. I had stopped eating, I was so pale. James had no idea what to do for me, minus taking me to the hospital. But no matter how many times I went, I never got better. I only seemed to get worse.
A few months went by; I was skin, bones, and scars. "It's so beautiful" I'd tell myself. Just trying to make all the horrible voices in my head go away. Wanting to feel pretty once in my horrid life. Even though I knew that I wasn't. Not in this state. I was failing school. It was three months before my 16h birthday. I didn't know what to do. So for one time one last time, I turned to James. And this time, he helped me. He made sure that I ate, every single day. No matter how much I didn’t want to eat, or how much I wanted to throw everything up. Sometimes he made me eat five or six times. Just so I could get to a 'good' weight. He took away all my blades, every single last one of them. He checked my arms every day, he even started checking my thighs. So I had to stop cutting at that point. I started regaining my color, I was coming back. Stronger than I had ever felt before in my entire life. I knew I could make it through this now. And I did, before my 16th birthday. I fit my dress, had bigger boobs than ever. And as a girl, that was the best part. But the most perfect part, James was my best friend. No one else’s, just mine. I had him, and he had me. That was the way things were meant to be. A best friend is what we were, never to be split again. He had his girl still, and he was happy with her, and that made me happy. (Somewhat)
I was glad, that I finally went to James for help. He showed me that it was okay to open up to people, even if you've been hurt before. But the best part of me opening up for him for help was that he is my best friend again. We are closer than we ever were before all of these things happen. And I’m back to my normal self. Or what I thought was normal; I will never be that same girl that I was a year ago. That weak, helpless, and small girl. She wouldn't make it in my life, not in these days.
With all honesty, I’m glad that all the shit that happened to me happened. Without any of that happening I wouldn't be as strong as I am today. I most likely wouldn't know what to do with myself, I wouldn't be here. If I hadn’t gone through all of this, I fear that I wouldn’t even be alive anymore. If it wasn't for James I know that I wouldn't be here. So now I’m just kind of going with the flow, and letting life take me where it wants to go. I'm going with the flow of what I want. Doing things my way, and not letting all of the little things get to me. I'm paving my way in this world, and that’s the way things need to be.
Even to this day, a little over a year later. I have changed so much, so much more than I ever thought that I would change. And I’m not yet convinced that this is a good thing or a bad thing. It hasn't been long enough for me to decide yet. But in time I'm sure that I'll find that out. Right..? I mean you don't think that change is a bad thing, do you? Everyone changes, for good and bad. I’m just hoping that in the long run my changes will be good. That I won’t regret changing as much as I did this past year. I mean I couldn’t have changed for the worse. Right..?
Chapter one: Jaime
Start from the beginning
