Enchilada Ed

25

"My friend," Ed stared out the window.

"I thought your friends were cosmopolitan," the light turned green and Ed's mom tapped the gas pedal, "which one is the secret redneck?"

"The one from France," Ed rolled his eyes.

"The French exchange student got you into country music?" Ed's mom chortled.

"Audra likes country music."

"Audra?" Ed's mom pulled into the Wegmans parking lot, "she's the one who turned you down for prom?"

Ed groaned.

"I heard that on the news," Ed's mom put the car in park, "how pathetic is that? I don't hear one word about your love life, but you can tell the six-a-clock news all about your crushing heartbreak?"

"I know," Ed sighed, "I don't think before I speak-"

"No, you internalize," Ed's mom unbuckled her seatbelt, "You think too much."

***

Ed's mom picked up three bundles of kale, a bottle of cooking wine, two boxes of spinach ravioli, and a family-sized bag of spicy Cheetos before she led Ed to a curve-lidded display freezer in the ice cream aisle and had him pick a popsicle to eat in Wegmans' upstairs café and dining area. After everything was paid for, Ed's mom chose a table with a view of the grocery store below and set down her bags.

"I'm going to go to the lady's room," she gave Ed a kiss on the cheek, "be right back so we can talk."

Ed took a bite of his Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia bar and briefly considered jumping off the upper level's safety rail. That would be hilarious, he thought, but it probably won't kill me. I'll just end up in traction. He shook his head, Sweet Jesus, you're starting to sound like Gina. What the hell is wrong with you? A few feet away, a probably-bald man wearing a flat cap and two tattoo sleeves plugged an amplifier into a wall outlet and turned on his acoustic-electric guitar. Ed watched him strum a few cords and begin singing the chorus to "Hey Jude."

Ed tried to contain his laughter. Live music at the grocery store? Classic Wegs. He pulled his iPhone from his jeans pocket. Emily would love this. So would Katie. Actually probably everybody would love this. Ed opened his Snapchat, and, ignoring all his notifications, took a video of the surprise concert and then a shot of his own amused face, the ice cream, and the grocery bags on the tabletop. For full effect, he added a caption. Wegs, the classiest grocery store. He added it to his Story, put his phone back into his pocket, and promptly forgot about it.

Ed's mom came back to the table.

"Oh wow, a concert," she sat down. "Do you think he takes requests?"

"I really don't think he'll take requests." Or at least I hope he won't.

"I should ask him if he knows any Ani," Ed's mom looked over her shoulder at the musician, "he looks like he could be into Ani."

"Please don't," Ed licked a drop of ice cream from his wrist. "You wanted to 'catch up,' remember?"

"Okay, okay," Ed's mom said, "you got me. So Mr. Internet's boyfriend, how do you like your newfound fame?"

"I dunno," Ed shrugged.

"Don't internalize," Ed's mom insisted, "what's going on in that cute little head of yours?"

"I feel kind of, uh, objectified-"

"Well, now you know how all women feel." Ed's mom chuckled.