dear olivia • njh ✏

dear olivia

We were just friends before everything. We were childhood bestfriends that rode the same bus every morning of 6th grade. I remember the first time you sat next to me when I was being bullied by the school bully, Jay, because I was Irish. I was different from you, Americans. I was a transferee and I knew no one. My mom and dad got separated and I chose to go with my dad who travels a lot. During 5th grade I was in Thailand, and 6th grade I moved with him in California. That day, you didn't just sit there, you defended me. You picked up all the pieces of balled papers that were thrown at me and smash them all in his face. He looked so embarrassed that day. With those burning cheeks and wide eyes, he definitely was embarrassed. You laughed so hard when you saw his reaction and high-fived with me. That was how we became bestfriends. Since then, we started hanging out. Not only that, we also started arguing which author is better between JK Rowling and John Green. You like arguments. You love debating. You're that kind of person. I still always win though. The Harry Potter Series were always the most known.

How could I forget that time during 8th grade? I remember you being hyped up when the school varsity soccer player and your long time crush, Jon, invited you out for a date. It didn't really felt right for me back then, I knew something was up. But how dare I ruin your excitement? I let it be. "7pm at Larry's!" you told me enthusiastically when I asked when and where your date would be. What you didn't know is that, I didn't just get that for nothing, I asked for that to follow you. I was there at Larry's at 7pm while your date, Jon, wasn't. I felt my heart drop when I saw you silently cry at table number 8. The sight gave me this heavy feeling in my chest, telling me to go there and sit beside you, grasp you and stop you from crying. But I decided to let you be, knowing you're never the type to let anyone see you in tears. Knowing, also, that you're not the type to take revenge, I did it for you. Remember the next day when Jon went to school with his right eyebrow shaved? I did that. I sneaked into his house and shaved his eyebrow out like how John Green wanted it to be in Paper Towns. Yes, I read John Green's.

10th Grade, February 14, 2016, I remember that day so clearly. It was the Junior and Senior's Prom. I was sitting in one of the round, well-decorated table sets, looking for you, but you were nowhere to be seen. Then suddenly, I saw Jake, your supposed date, in a table with his friends, with an arm clinging to his arm. It wasn't yours: the arm was the school cheerleader's he used to date. I felt my face heat up as I clenched my fist in anger. "Why do these jocks always feel the need to ditch her?" I asked myself. I stood up from my seat, and without even asking for my date's permission, I walked out of the venue. I went straight to your house and ran up to you the quickest I can. Your mom looked totally upset when I arrived. She did not even say a word, instead, she just gestured for me to go upstairs and check on you. When I opened your room door, I saw you sitting down at the edge of your bed, you were still wearing your stunning red prom dress, with your knees crawled up to your chest, crying helplessly. That was the hardest cry I've ever seen from you. I walked up to you and sat beside you, with my knees also crawled up to my chest. I kicked your right foot softly, trying to make you look at me and acknowledge my presence, but you didn't budge. I tried it again but, for the second time, you just ignored me. Thinking of things that could get your attention and get you to stop from crying, I had finally arrived to something I know you would be hyped up about. I scooted in closer to you and asked, "Why did Hazel Grace die in TFIOS?" and in an instant, you turned your gaze at me and furrowed your eyebrows together, "She did not die, oh my God," you whined. Pretending as if I didn't really know, I widen my eyes in pretend-shock and asked, "Oh, she did not?" But after that, I flashed a celebrating smirk as I made you realize what I just did. You shook your head and started smiling. I felt like a huge weight was being lifted off my chest when I saw you smile. After that, I asked you for a hangout. And instead of going to prom, we spent the prom night in your room watching John Green's TFIOS and Paper Towns in our prom suits. It was far from how we imagined it, but I wouldn't trade that night for anything. I didn't even think of my prom date that night, and I know it doesn't make me any less similar from Jake, but for me, screw all the judgements 'cause on that night, it was just you that mattered to me. I guess, maybe, that was how much I'm in love with you. I was in love you.