Summer Fever (Love Contract)

My Contract Lover

Summer? Summer ended like the breeze of the wind. It's chill for a moment then it disappeared. A dream that brings happiness. Once you wake up the happiness disappears. A wind that matches the dream then forgets everything. Are you happy? Do you regret it?

It was Father's Day, Sunday in the church, when we first met. It's been a long time since I've felt this again. A feeling that I can never explain. A caught glance that makes me think that it was admiration. A glance that makes me want you. What's your name? Tell me your name for I am shy to ask. For I am scared to be ignored by you.

July 3
When am I seeing you again? The Sunday school that get us closer. Do you still remember? The embarrassment on my face when I'm blushing looking at you. I can't stop looking at you. If you notice it, then tell me your name. You introduce yourself and I introduce myself. Now I know your name. Meet not only in the church but also in another place. Wanting to hang out with you is hard for we are not close to each other.

July 17
You sat next to me. Talking to you makes me happy. I can still remember the disappointment you showed when knowing that we are three years apart. That three years age gap that tells us, we can never be together. There's a distance between us. You shared your Facebook account. I texted you at the moment I got home. I started the conversation and I kept it going for I am curious about yourself.

July 20/21
What's wrong with me? I fell in love with the person I've only known for days. I wanted to be with you when I don't clearly know you. It started with a love contract. I know it's silly but we agreed to do it. We agreed because we thought it will work out. But in the end, I was hurt but you were not. I chose to get hurt, so I don't regret it.

Don't tell me what to do, I hate it. I'm not a kid, I understand. I'm not saying that I know everything. Treat me not a kid, but a grownup that loved you. For love, age doesn't matter. This is only a love contract, yet my feelings are real. Make it not serious. I'm already getting hurt. You're my boyfriend but not my real boyfriend.

You're leaving. If you tell me sooner, I wouldn't long for you and this feeling should've taken for. Yet it's too late to stop. If you try to separate things that had been glued, it will only tear apart. It hurt but I must accept it. Yet tell me what to do to lessen the pain.

The first love that you can't forget. The bond that I can't never separate. Yet I'm being selfish for telling you not to talk to her. I'm not mad, only jealous. Not only her but to other girls. The most surprising, you still love her. You said you love me and that you miss me. What about her? Say that you love me and you miss me not because of the contract but because that's really how you feel.

Not only that I miss you but also want to see you. Talking on the phone is not enough.

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Why must you change? What changed you?

August 11
I asked you, "What am I to you?" Yet you said I'm just a mere friend. I ask you again, still only a mere friend. A mere friend. Saying you love me and miss me, what changed you that?  Say it again, I am begging. Say it as you mean it. Don't say it as I'm only your mere friend, but a lover that you love. Must I end this love contract? Tell me. I hate you not that I loved you, but you don't love me.

August 15
Why should I cry for you not loving me? Why should I miss you even though you hurt me? I don't blame you. I hate myself thinking that everything is fine. I must forget you. You don't belong to me so I must erase you in my life. It takes so much time to realize that we can never be together. We can never go back to the time that we're both happy.

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"Wo Ai Ni." The words I always hear from you. The words that I want to here again, from you. I must not wait yet I'm waiting.
I-will-stop-now.