Depressive Chaos

Chapter 9

I'm fucking screaming because of LARRY PROOFS DECEMBER 2019 on YouTube.. guys I know people deadass be calling Larrys sick fucks but come on. I am crying in the club thank u.

Louis POV

Waking up in the morning was like waking into a dream. I felt so wonderful and so warm and comfortable. It was like things had never changed. I felt his long arms around me and I could feel the sweet and slow beating of his heart. As soon as I heard the deep breaths of the man I once loved breathing, I began to panic. I could feel he was hard pressed up against my ass. And suddenly I began to remember pieces of last night, although it was blurry.

Harry was crying, he was upset and he told me that he needed me. Me, he needed me and that is such a crazy concept. The man who shattered my heart into pieces had ended up crying into my arms and holding me until I fell asleep. I gently grabbed his wrist and pulled his arm off of me. I'm lucky he's a deep sleeper, I don't feel like discussing last night with him when I have a splitting headache and I need to brush my teeth.

As I sit up to get to my feet I accidentally press up against his morning wood and I hear him groan under his breath. My whole face is flush as all of the blood rushes to my cheeks and ears. I stand up quickly and walk to the bathroom quietly, looking back to make sure he's asleep. He is. I close the door behind me and look into the mirror. My hair is a mess and I'm surprised at the glow of my skin, in the mornings Harry and I used to spend together I always woke up and looked like this. Of course now I'm so much skinnier so I look different with my cheekbones looking way more prominent.

~flashback~

The sun began to rise and it was the morning before we began the Take Me Home tour. It wasn't the sun that woke me up though, it was Harry's gentle kisses covering my back and neck. I rolled over, smiling, and I saw his gorgeous eyes and sweet dimples. His curls were in a mess like they usually are in the morning but the kind of mess that takes your breath away because you can't understand how it can look so perfect. Harry began to leave kisses on my collarbones and then down my stomach, and using his hands to gently brush my nipple and then down to my exposed hardness.

I whimper because I feel so powerless to this pleasure. It takes over my whole body as I roll onto my back and just quiver beneath his touch. Hoping that this feeling will never end. "Lou you're so hard for me." He says in a low teasing voice. I moan and look at him with longing eyes, "Harry I need you." He chuckles and then leaves kisses down my stomach until he reaches my weakness. He kissed the insides of my thighs and I grabbed a fistful of his hair.

"Please." I cry, "please Harry." He looks me in the eyes and licks the whole length of my member until he reaches the tip and wraps his lips around it and pulls up, sucking. It falls because down onto my stomach with a snap due to how hard it is. He pauses and just looks at me with the most loving look that it makes my heart melt into my chest, "I love you baby." He smiles at me and I cannot believe how absolutely beautiful he is, "Ditto" I say as I stroke his cheek.

                      ~ end of flashback~

Sitting on the edge of the tub with my eyes closed I'm touching myself again, I'm moving so quickly because this feeling of need is taking over my whole body and mind. I try my hardest not to moan aloud. I feel like I'm about to come and then I open my eyes to see Harry standing in the doorway looking at me. There's a moment of silence and shock before he clears his throat and looks the other way. "Fuck I'm sorry." He turns and closes the door quickly. That look on his face.. did he want me? I knew that look, it was the look he gave me when he was ready to pick me up and toss me like a rag doll onto the bed so that he could have his way with me.

When he looks like that I can't control myself. I needed to come right now. I close my eyes again and just picture that face. Within seconds I turn around and finish into the tub. I sigh and remember my situation. It's pathetic that I'm lusting after a man who isn't even gay and who surely doesn't love me anymore. I turn on the shower and grab my towel and set it onto the toilet. I take my sweatpants off and step into the shower. It feels so good, the hot water making my skin tingle. I grab my phone and play Midnight Memories so that I can warm my voice up for the show tonight and practice my solos and harmonies. There's a part of me that wants to call Harry in here and have him wash my hair like he used to. But I can't.