Proxy [l.h]

22. Catching Feelings and Homecomings

Hey guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter -- and don't forget to vote and comment! I will return with ch. 23 asap.

+

«DAY 10 cont.»

Lissa

"You're right. I don't," Luke says slowly, raising his head. "My life has never been more of a fucking mess after you took this job. And I wish I'd never fucking met you, Jane."  

"What?" I turn to Luke, coldness seeping through my body. "What did you say?"

"Forget it," Luke snaps immediately. "I forgot to take my pills this morning so I don't know what I'm talking about." Then as if nothing had happened, he turns to face the elevator doors, watching the neon floor numbers flash as we continue to move.

But his words don't slip from my mind.

"Luke," I whisper, my voice soft. "I'm not her."

Seeing Luke's firm expression as he stares forward, I know he's tensed up. And I know with those words that he's not in the right place of mind. I feel a tinge of sympathy and sadness for him.

He doesn't move nor look at me. But after a moment of silence, he asks seriously, "How do you know? That you're not her."

"What?" I sputter. He's right. The pills must have messed him up. Maybe he was a little hazy. Maybe he was so broken he needed to bury his conscience and his mind under prescribed drugs that makes him say things- "Because ... because it's ridiculous," I laugh. "I'm not her. I don't even look like her, Luke. We- we aren't characters from some crazy fate-bound novel. I don't believe in that sort of stuff."

"I do. I believe everything that's meant to come together will cross paths at least once in a lifetime," Luke says, still facing forward. Then his eyebrows crunch together, and he shakes his head slowly. "Forget it, okay? You don't know anything," he says dismissively. And I know the subject is over. It was for the best. It was better not to bring this up again, in case he breaks even more. I've met people like Luke at Dustin's hospital. Small kids, who would be jumpy and excited and pulling at my pant sleeves when I came to see Dustin, but who were like ticking bombs. If they were triggered by a certain word or memory, they would start saying things, coming up with horrible, scary ideas that weren't their own. And they believed it. They retreated inside their own minds and replayed the same scary thing over and over in agony. Like Luke did with the idea of Jane's identity.

"Right...I never do, because I'm dumb and naive, right?" I ask, my voice breaking.

Luke lets out a groan of exasperation, and then he looks at me over his left shoulder, his cold expression piercing through me. "This is why I didn't want to see you today. I knew you'd come asking questions and get upset when you heard the answer. It's an endless cycle, over and over so I'm going tell you one more time: I have my own reasons for doing what I do, and I have no obligation to be nice to you. If you hadn't pulled me into this damn elevator today, you could've just moved on without getting hurt."