Abstinence

Chapter 5

A mistake. I chuckle. As horrible as this sounds the more I learn about Hayden's life the more I feel that what he did to me that one morning in his study wasn't an accident. That was just him, it was the person he wanted to hide from me, the addict inside of him.

"He's still toxic to you?" I ask him watching him stand to retrieve his ball from the floor.

"Oh even more now." He smiles at me as he walks towards the door. "This is a nice office, it makes me want to renovate mine."

"Thank you Dr. Reece."

No sooner after Dr. Reece left did Hayden walk into my office closing the door behind himself. I didn't know he was coming, it's Thursday, he doesn't have an appointment until next week Monday. "Hey." He smiles.

"Hi, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you. I left so early this morning you were still asleep. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, you? Are people at your office looking at you differently or talking about you?"

"It's been strangely normal at my office." He tells me. "Passersby who watch the news look at me like I'm a monster roaming the streets, like I don't belong."

He didn't give me a chance to comment on his other statement before he changed the direction of our conversation. "This office suits you. Though that red chair isn't the color I wanted."

"What color did you want?"

"The red color that was in your nightgown." He leans back in the chair a cunning smirk on his face,  "That's what I imagined when I picked out the décor."

"You did an amazing job Hayden, this is why I want you to decorate the house. I'm not good with all of this. I tried before but you have an eye for type of stuff."

"It's going to be our house, so I want you to have a say in something."

"How about this," I don't have an idea of what I want in a house. Building a house isn't something I have ever even thought of. When I planned to move out of my dad's house, I had planned on moving into an apartment here in the city with Jake. But now I'm building a house with Hayden on a four acre lot.  "I want white walls everywhere, a blue media room, and a pool table."

"White walls? What if we have children?" The question rolls off of his tongue so casually, as if children aren't a huge commitment in a relationship.

"Then make it white waterproof walls." I hear him chuckle at my response. "Is that fine or do I need more input, because that's all I have at the moment."

"That's fine for now. They're breaking ground next month so I will pick your brain for more ideas soon."

"Okay." I smile at him.

"I didn't know your ex's girlfriend was hired to take your place."

"Yeah, it's a very very small world."

"That it is. Are they still together?" My brows furrow in confusion. What kind of question is that?

"I believe so, why wouldn't they be?"

"He didn't tell her about the two of you?"

"Um, I highly doubt he did. I haven't been in enough relationships to be an expert on cheating but usually when you cheat on the person you're with you try to keep that information a secret."

"Then why did you tell me?"

"I loved you enough to tell you so I didn't have any secrets from you and because I wanted to work through my mistake. But in that moment when you were asking I no longer wanted to tell you, I didn't want to hurt you."