Blackfoot

Chapter 24

Balin hesitates, but then rests a hand on her shoulder.  "Well, if you cannot run, then perhaps it is best if you do not avoid it.  Perhaps it will help both of you."

Selene can do nothing but nod.  She'd been debating with herself over whether that was the best thing to do anyway, but she was so torn, both her head and her heart hurt.

As night settled in, she found herself still undecided on the wall.

Soft footfall approached and then paused.

"It is alright Bilbo, I will not stop you."  She said softly.

Bilbo stepped into the small amount of light that was atop the wall.  "How do you know?"

"I suspected as such, but I essentially don't."  She grimaces.  "And don't confirm it, lest he pick up on it.  I have little doubt as to what he would do then."

Bilbo nods and licks his lips nervously.  "So...you know what I intend to do?"

"I can hazard a guess."  Slowly, she climbs to her feet, her decision made.  "And I wish you all the luck Bilbo.  I suppose one of us must have it."  She gives a small, sad laugh before starting her way down the steps off the wall.

"Selene?"  Bilbo called after her, making her pause.  "If anyone can get him through this, it's you."

"I wish I believed you."  She said.  "But when I am not even sure about myself, I can hardly be sure about this."

"Just remember that Blackfoot is dead."  He said gently.  "And nothing, no matter what happens, can truly bring her back to what she was."

Selene kept walking then, letting Bilbo go, unable to face him and let him see the true fear in her face.

The closer she got to Thorin, the worse she felt, her stomach churning.  Since the memory flooding had started, she had begun to work through them, even though they were sporadic and confused at times, and the more she learnt, the more she wanted her Thorin back.  He was not this gold hungry man, he much prefered the simple things, having learnt to appreciate what he had on the road.

It was part of the reason he had connected so well to her.

It was some of the first memories to come through, his appreciation for her over the life she had lived, the one on the road, living off what she could find, and then how she had taught herself to make her own sword.

Her heart ached and she sighed, pausing to gather herself.

Outside the throne room, Dwalin and Balin were in deep conversation, both looking up as she approached.

"Selene...are you alright?"  Dwalin asked, a little nervous.

"No."  She said, her voice heavy.  "But I need to do this.  I've put it off for too long already."

They both stared at her.

"You have to do nothing-"

"Selene, you need to be careful-"

"I'll be fine."  She said and then gives a small smile.  "I'm stronger than I look, remember?"

They can say nothing as she opens the door and begins the long walk up to the throne.

Thorin's gaze was dark as she walked up to him.  "What do you want?"

Selene pretended she didn't hear the tone in his voice, forcing her wolf right down.  "Am I not allowed to see you?"

"It is a bit hard to believe you would when you have been avoiding me so."  His tone changed a little, having less of an accusing tone, but still a long way from where it should have been.