Skinny Love - Jinxxley

1. I swear I'm Fine

~Jinxx's POV~

Nothing.

I won't eat it.

Please don't force me.

It will make me fatter.

I can't afford that.

People will look at pictures and call me fat ass.

Which is what I am.

A fat ass.

If I don't eat I'll get thinner.

Maybe then I'll be good enough for Ashley.

He doesn't like me.

He wouldn't want to date me.

And I know why.

The mirror told me.

I am FAT.

No one like's me.

Because I am FAT.

I am overweight.

CC had taken us to...McDonalds. OF FUCKING COURSE. He wants me to get fatter.

They had all ordered big Macs while I sat there with a coke. It was a kid's size one. I had barely drank any of it, a couple sips?

The other guys were ignoring me. They were all laughing and joking while I sat there, in my own little world, staring out of the window. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to be skinny. I didn't want to be me.

They finished after a while, and got up to leave. I followed them out of the greasy restaurant and back to the bus.

As soon as I got on the bus I went to the bathroom, I don't think the guys noticed. I locked the door behind me and stripped down to my boxers, staring at myself in the mirror.

My ribs didn't poke out enough, my collarbones were barely visible, my face looked so round and chubby and my hip bones weren't sticking out enough either. I also didn't have a gap between my thighs.

Ugly.

Fat.

Untalented.

Useless.

Worthless.

The words started to eat away at me again. They always did, as soon as I was alone they all attacked me. I sunk to the ground and covered my mouth feeling guilty for drinking the coke.

Why did you drink it you idiot!

You've put on more weight now! My mind was screaming at me.

Sobs wracked my body as I sat there trying to keep quiet, the guys would hear me and then they'd all laugh at me.

My heart nearly stopped when I heard someone try to open the door, I had locked it? Hadn't I?

"Hey?! Who's in the bathroom?" Ashley called, confused.

"Me..." I whispered, he wouldn't have heard me.

"Guys? Who's in here?"

I hurried to get all of my clothes back on, I was starting to feel cold anyways. I fumbled around trying to think of something that I could have been doing. They were going to question me and what would I tell them? My eyes were puffy and red.

I flushed the toilet quickly, and pulled the hood up over my face, running the tap briefly before shutting it off and unlocking the door.

Ashley looked down at me.