freshman / sammy wilk

//s. eleven

it's been a year since she's been gone. I was currently sitting by her grave, reminiscing about all of our memories together.

a cloud of guilt has hovered above me, knowing that I am the reason she is gone. the love of my life is gone. and it's all my fault.

i remember the first time I saw her in the hallway. she was talking to Gina and I couldn't take my eyes off of her gorgeous body. then when she met my gaze, I knew I had to get to know her.

i pull my phone out my pocket, staring at my lockscreen. it was a picture she took a couple days before the accident.

"I'll see you later stell," I kiss my hand, placing it over the grave as tears began to fall.

I stood up, walking over to my car. I sat there in silence for a moment before speeding off.

"I love you"

her voice replayed in my head over and over in my head, like a song. her beautiful voice and images of her just came to mind.

why'd I have to give up on her? none of this would've happened. why'd I leave her? she didn't deserve any of this. it's should've been me. not her. not my fucking angel.

"fuck," I yell punching the steering wheel. tears flowed down my face as I pulled up to my house. I jump out my car, slamming the door behind me.

I run into the house, going straight to my room. I can't fucking do this anymore.

as I opened my room door, an envelope was left on my bed. I sat on the end of my bed, opening up the thin piece of paper.

it was from her. my mom probably kept this from me cause it's not recent.

dear my fuckboi,

I'm writing this cause I miss you. I miss you so much. I know you broke it off with me but it doesn't mean I lost feelings for you. you shouldn't be in jail, it's all my fault and I'm truly sorry. my mom can't keep me from loving you and being with you. I've liked you since summer camp when I was in seventh grade and I would've never imagined dating you, let alone meeting you and loving was probably the best experience of my life and id relive it everyday if I could. I don't want to bore you with my sob love story but I want you to know, whatever happens to the both of us, you'll always have a special place in my heart. you're my fuckboi and I'll always be your freshman.

your girl,
stella 💜💜

lastly there was a picture of Stella and I at the bottom making me slightly smile.

more tears streamed down my face as I placed the note back on my bed. I headed straight for the bathroom, looking at myself through the mirror.

I was a complete wreck. a wreck without her. I can't do this anymore. I can't live in pain. I need to be with her.

I grabbed the Advil by my tooth brush, pouring the whole bottle in my mouth. I suddenly felt dizzy and the bottle fell to the floor.

"nobody has to know, baby" left my lips before I was out.

AND THATS THE END. IMMA WRITE AN AUTHORS NOTE SOON BUT IMMA BOUT TO CRY CAUSE THIS BOOK IS OVER :((