When I Was 20 Years Old (Mature content) (Complete)

Chapter 17 - David

I was back in hospital again. This time it had half been my choice as I didn't want my daughter to have to live in a house in which her father died in. I knew that I would die soon, I could feel the cancer literally killing me from the inside out. I wasn't scared of death, I never had been. But I could never embrace the thought of it. Especially not now when I was leaving all my kids behind.

"Hey!" I turned to see Matt, "How you doing?"

"I'm fine!" I laughed, "I can go run a marathon now and do the iron man challenge."

"You wish old man!" Matt laughed.

"Hey! We are almost the same age!" I replied.

"Shhhh! I look at least twenty years younger!" Matt laughed.

"Yeah you wish," I smiled, "What you doing her anyway?"

He flashed a box of cigars at me, "What's it gonna do? Kill you?"

I snorted, "Not like I could get any worse. Open the window though."

He opened the window and and handed me a cigar. Montecristo. I laughed. We used to meet up and smoke these when our women were out on business. We would meet at one another's house and lounge around with a beer in one hand and cigar in the other. He lit mine then his.

"Brings back old memories," I laughed.

"Don't it just," Matt replied, "Last time we did this was before Alex knew she was pregnant."

I smiled weakly, "Yeah."

"You aren't supposed to smoke in a hospital!"

We both turned round to see Harvey Flynn in the doorway. He smiled when he saw me and I laughed shaking my head. He wheeled himself to my bed side and Matt handed him a cigar, which he gladly received.

"Hypocrite!" I laughed.

"I said you aren't supposed to," he laughed, "Not that I'm against it!"

I laughed, "What you doing here?"

"Came to see you," Harvey replied.

"I thought you were in Nevada," I said, "How did you get all the way here?"

"I heard about Alex and I had to come," he said, "Then your brother in town and looking after Jasmine on you own.....then I heard about your condition."

I sighed, "Never thought you would out live me!"

"Nor did I," he laughs bitterly.

I then noticed him playing with his left ring finger absentmindedly. I stared at it for a few moments, puzzled. Then I finally saw it and laughed. I finally noticed the gold ring on his finger.

"You cheeky bastard!" I laughed.

"What?" Harvey asked panicked.

"You got married and didn't tell me!" I said.

"What?" Matt breathed, shocked.

"Who is she?" I asked.

He blew out the smoke and smiled, "Lacey Sparks."

"As in Lacey Sparks who goes to group?" I asked.

"Maybe," Harvey laughed.

"You bastard!" Matt laughed, "What happened to our invites?"

"Lost in the mail!" Harvey laughed.

"Damn! And she's ten years younger than you as well!" I laughed.

"Errr seven actually!" Harvey replied, "Now who's the hypocrite."

I swallowed and then immediately the room plunged into silence. I knew Harvey was instantly regretting what he said. I didn't care that he was taking the piss out of the age gap but it hurt to have a reminder about Alex. She had always laughed that Harvey was still in the prime of his youth and would therefore find someone else and now he had and Alex was here to say I told you so! I smiled weakly. She would have relished the chance to gloat about how she was always right then sit down next to me and smoke her own cigar, saying how much she loved the rich smell of them. I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"I'm so sorry David! I..."

I stopped him, "Don't be! I'm sorry. We should be celebrating your marriage not allowing me to cry over the....."

I couldn't say the word.

"No! You haven't had time to grieve!" Harvey said.

"He's right David!" Matt said, "What with Jasmine and then Ella having an emergency c-section and Martha and Rory having their kids....you are up to your neck and haven't had time to just grieve. And now Antony is back you have a lot to deal with."

"I can't grieve! I need to be strong for my kids because they are about to lose their fucking father too!" I cried.

"Alex would want you to work through the pain!" Harvey insisted.

"Alex would want me to get on with it!" I replied, coldly, "She wouldn't want this emotion crap."

Matt sighed, "I should probably give you this then."

"What's this?" I asked.

He handed me a envelope with my name inscribed on the front in Alex's hand writing. He didn't reply to my question but slumped back in his chair looking out the window instead. I slowly opened the envelope and pulled out the letter that was tucked inside.

David,
I don't know if you will ever read these words because I entrusted Matt and Riley to give them to you if something were to happen to me. If you are reading them then I must have past away, and for that I'm sorry for leaving you.

I know what you are like David Jason Ride! You are a stubborn bastard who will tell everyone that he is ok just so they would leave him alone but I'm telling you right now don't you fucking dare! You have our kids. You have Matt and Riley. You have Harvey. You have your parents. I can't say much for Antony but I'm sure if you asked he will be there. Don't you dare curl into you shell and pretend you are fine because you bloody aren't! I want you to open up and talk to people because that is the only way you will ever be ok.

The real point of this letter is me wanting to tell you that I love you! I love you more than I can ever describe. You can be stubborn, frustrating, a huge pain in the ass but also loving and caring and sweet and the best man you can possibly be. I love you so much and nothing will change that. Not even death.

Everything else I have to say, you already know.
Be strong.
Be loving.
Be happy.
Continue to be a great father

Love your wife.
Alex Ride

Tears rolled down my cheeks and dropped onto the paper. Clipped to the letter was a picture of us on our wedding day. She wore a short skater dress and held a small bunch of daffodils. She was cuddled up against me under a tall whomping willow tree that cascaded into a pond behind a small pub that had been our venue. I was dressed in a charcoal grey suit and white shirt and actually looked alive. That day had just been us. Seventeen years later those smiling bodies of life had been reduced to corpses on a table. I turned over the picture and printed on there was her kiss in a dark purple shade of lipstick. I smiled. Her final kiss for me.

"I miss her," I whispered finally.

"I know you do David!" Matt said, "We all do."

I nodded, "I know."

"We will always be here for you," Harvey said.

"Can you stay with me?" I asked, "Stay until I go?"

Matt smiled, "We will stay as long as we can!"

"Thank you!" I whispered, "Thank you."

****

"David! David!"

I opened my eyes to see Alex in front of me. Her face was bright and youthful and her laugh tingled as she whispered my name. I reached out to touch her but she was just beyond my reach. She leaned in and kissed my forehead.

"It's time!" She nodded.

"What? What do you mean?" I whispered.

"It's ok now!" She replied, "You can let go."

"I can let go?" I asked.

"You can let go...."