Turned Out

Chapter Twenty One

Man, writers block is a mean bitch on steroids, I swear! Just a little something for now guys...

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I laid back on the plush pillows, sinking into the softness with a loud approving sigh. I had a slight smile on my face, happy that Shannon finally gave in to my begging. He finally let me come back to the cabin. I've been trying to get back here since night one, but he wouldn't let me. Telling me "It's just a getaway house, Ash." But like always he couldn't say no to me any longer and my wish was his command.

Shannon came into the bedroom, pizza box in hand. He sat at the edge of the bed before pulling a piece out. "You better not." I warned. He gave me a side eye and turned back to the pizza in his hand, sinking his teeth in. I rolled my eyes and groaned. "White carpet and white bedding with red pizza sauce all over them. That sounds cute."

"I'm not a messy eater and I do believe I paid for this white carpet and white bedding. I'll get it dirty if I want to."

"But, this is my cabin." I said stressing the 'my'. He chuckled and shook his head.

"You want everything I got, huh?"

"No. Just this cabin and your love. That's all I want."

"You not getting this cabin, you're welcome here whenever, but this is mine. You hungry?" I looked down at my stomach, contemplating with myself. I feel hungry, but then again I don't. And I don't need all the extra calories and carbs that the pizza will no doubt add. I shook my head no, but my face still held an indecisive look. "You sure? You haven't ate since last night, Ash." He looked at the time on his phone. "It's damn near been twenty four hours." He was right. We went out for dinner last night at around seven and now it's almost seven pm the next night.

"No, I'm good. I ate a sandwich and chips earlier."

"No you didn't. You ate a bite of a sandwich and gave it to me, then ate the little bit of chips you had. That's not good Ashleigh."

"I'm not hungry, okay?" My voice came out a little more defensive and angry than I intended as I got off the bed stomping my way to the bathroom. Once inside, I shut the door behind me, turning the lock. I sat on the plush red carpet that sat in the middle of the huge bathroom with my legs crossed and my head in my hands. I was simply trying to convince myself that I wasn't hungry. At all. I looked up from my hands around the bathroom, focusing my gaze on the toilet. Something inside of me wanted to kneel over it so bad and let my already empty insides spill out.

I stood up from the floor and stripped out of the loose fitting clothes I was wearing leaving me in only my underwear. I walked up to the the full length mirror examining myself. I looked at the fullness in my hips, the small unnoticeable gap in my thighs. The parts of my body that weren't toned, consisting of all of it in my mind. My stomach wasn't fat, but wasn't as flat as I wanted it to be. I couldn't see the imprint of my ribs or hips just a taste like before, I could no longer see my collarbone underneath my skin. Granite, I haven't seen any of those things since I was a teen, maybe thirteen or fourteen, I felt like I should see them. I'm not what I picture most guys to like. Skinny, nice hips, small waist, big butt. I'm too thick for my own liking, my hips are huge, and my waist isn't small enough.

I gave myself one last look over, feeling disgusted with my appearance and tore my eyes away from the mirror. I could feel the small tears welling up in my eyes and I didn't want to cry over something so stupid, but I knew it was coming. The hot tears dripped from my eyes and, to me, it was over nothing.

I turned the nozzle in the shower so that the water was steaming hot and stripped out of my remaining underwear. I got into the water despite the fact that it was too hot and I stung when it hit my skin, I just didn't care. I stuck my head into the water, clearing my face of the before shed tears and my mind of the demeaning thoughts.

I washed my body and conditioned my hair so that it would be extra curly. I stood under the hot water for a few seconds longer before deciding to step out.

"Shit!" I shrieked, grabbing my bare chest. Shannon was sitting on the counter staring at me with intent eyes. I grabbed my towel, wrapped it around my body and found a smaller towel to wrap around my hair. All the while Shannon kept his gaze on me. "How'd you get in here?" He held up his key and I nodded remembering that the bathroom unlocked with the house key.

"Come here, Ashleigh." Shannon sighed, holding his hands out to me as if I were a child. I slowly made my way in his direction and into his arms. "Why you not eating, mama?"

"I am ea-" He cut me off before I could finish my sentence.

"Cut the bullshit please."

"I am eating, I just wasn't hungry today." He looked at me with a face saying that he clearly didn't believe me. I sighed and put my head down, playing with a button on his shirt as he still held his hands around my waist. I was in no position to lie, which I didn't. I ate... Lightly.

I don't want to be one of those girls who complains about her weight all the time, but does nothing to change it. So, that's what I'm doing. Changing what I'm unhappy about. Is my method the best? Not at all really, but it works for me. It's what I know and what makes me feel better about myself.

"Well I need you start eating more. Like before. I don't mind a girl that can eat."

"You don't think I'm too big?" I questioned, still fiddling with his shirt.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you. You're perfect to me. If you're not happy with your weight we can fix that... You can come to the gym with me or something, but I don't think you need to." He pulled me into him, laying his head in the crook of my neck. "What I think you need to do is eat." I nodded, giving my silent okay and pulled out of his grip so I could go and get dressed. I walked into the bedroom and silently tossed on a pair of leggings and v neck tshirt. I finger combed my wet hair up into a ponytail and proceeded to climb into bed. I didn't really care that my hair was wet. At the moment, I didn't care about anything to be honest.

I wanted to do what Shannon wanted for me because he's who I have to impress, but it's me, Ashleigh Marie Dawson, before anyone else. If I feel like less eating is what's right for me then so be it. Can't anyone just fully support my decisions? Do the negatives and long terms always have to be a factor?

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Leila.
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I sat in my room literally racking my brain about all the shit thy Ashleigh said to me before our blowout. It was all true to some extent. Home can't be with a man that beats you for nothing while you're pregnant at that. I can't be in love with a man like this, but in my heart, in my head I feel like I am.

I've seen the good in Darien, the Darien part not "Skilla". Before my baby came along he was nice, he was sweet, and the sex... Well that shit was incredible to say the least. It still is even though it's rape in a way. I mean, he's not forcing me because I still want that intimacy with him, but he is still forcing me into to bed with him if that makes any sense. See if he wants sex, but can't get it from another female he'll come to me demanding that I give him what he's missing out on.

Yes, Darien is a little rough around the edges. I know this for a fact, but I do believe that he can make a turn around. Change for the better. I do believe that some where deep inside of him he loves me and he loves this baby. Our baby. Why else would he have me staying here if he's just going to cut all ties when the baby is born?

As of now I feel strongly that things will go back to what they were before. Lately the beatings have slowed to only two or three times a week, not everyday. It's only a few day difference, but it's a start. Darien has also let me have a little more freedom. I confronted him, got my ass beat, and then he decided to let me do things. My argument was how he can claim to not want to be with me, but won't let me go anywhere or see anyone. God forbid I try and have any relationships, he would literally yell until my ears were ringing. I don't know or understand why I feel any kind of love for this man.

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I showered and laid on my bed in just my under garments. I rubbed the small swollen area at the bottom of my stomach in circular motions and smiled to myself. There was really a life growing inside of me. One that I love already and he or she isn't even here yet. I already thought of names and everything. I'm just excited for him or her to get here and light my world, Darien's too. Hopefully this baby will bring us together, make us a family.

Darien walked into my room, blank expression on his face. He stomped over to opposite side of the bed and looked down on me. I already expected him to come in here bitching, but I wasn't going to let him ruin my natural high. I don't know why, but I was actually happy. In a good mood, smile on my face. And all of this had no real reason to it. "Hey , D." I kept my smile and continued to rub my growing belly.

"Why you so smiley? You got another nigga in here?" He walked away from the bed and started to search my room as if he would actually find something, someone. "Or is it a bitch?"

"Darien, please not today." I said lowly. He groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Look, I want to take you out." I looked at him with the most confused look on my face. He just came in here cussing at me, being rude for no reason and now he wants to take me somewhere? I swear I can't understand this man, but I'm not complaining. I've been waiting for some type of affection from him.

"Out where?" I asked standing up and walking over to my closet. I opened it and revealed the bags of baby things I had been buying lately. They were just sitting in the living room because I was too lazy to move them, plus there were boxes from things I ordered online. "You put these in here?"

"Yeah. Why you got so much baby shit? You don't even know what you having..." I shrugged.

"I'm excited." I moved some of the things out the way and pulled a tan camisole off of the hanger. I tossed it over my head and reached back into the closet, grabbing my camouflage jacket with the drawstring waist. I didn't know where we were going, but this would have to do. I didn't feel like getting dressed and I don't think Darien would have anything too fancy in mind for me.

I walked over to the dresser and pulled it opened. I scrimmaged through to find the right pair of jeans and came across a pair of wine colored skinny jeans. I held them up to me and shrugged before tugging them on. I rolled the bottoms in a small cuff two times and sat down, feeling a little out of breath. I feel like I'm fat and pregnant, but the bump that I have isn't even that noticeable to someone that doesn't know. I personally call it the pregnant lady syndrome. When you find out you're pregnant you like to drag things out. I know I did. Suddenly I couldn't do anything and had all the symptoms of a woman that's nine months pregnant.

"You're a mess, you know that?" Darien said shaking his head at me. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and still acted like I was dog tired.

"I'm pregnant."

"You two months acting like you about to pop." I laughed a little, bending over to grab my shoes. I slipped my feet into the tan colored thin heel, open toe shoes and strapped them around my ankles. "We going to eat by the way."

"That's my favorite thing to do." I stood up after getting my heels on and looked in the full length mirror mounted on my wall. I fluffed up my hair that was already in a bunch of loose falling curls and let it fall wildly in whichever way it chose.

Leaving out of the house, Darien locked the door behind us and unlocked the car doors. He got into the drivers side and I stood outside of the passenger door. After starting up the car he rolled down his window looking at me with a crazy look on his face. "Fuck you waiting for Leila?"

"You..." I paused looking down at the door handle. "To open the door for me."

"For what? Yo hands work don't they?" I held them up, letting them fall limp at the ends of my wrist. I shook my head disappointedly and sighed, shifting all my weight to one side.

"I don't think they do." I looked back up at him. My pouting face met his amused one. He opened his door and stepped out coming to my side and opening the door. He waited for me to get then shut the door behind me before making his way back to the drivers side. I smiled to myself. Darien wasn't yelling, hitting, or even acting aggravated or annoyed with me. This was the Darien that I liked, the one that was there before. I'm still not sure what it was inside of him that snapped when he found out I was pregnant or what it is now that's turning him back to his normal self. I'm happy he's going back to normal though, showing people why I maybe did fall in love with him. Making me look not as much of a dumb ass for being here with him, in his house, pregnant with his child and actually enjoying it...

I looked over at him as he drove the car, steering with one hand. His other hand sat loosely in his lap. I debated on testing what was happening between us right now and decided I would. I grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers as he drove. He looked down at our locked fingers before looking back up at me for a split second. He lifted our hands turning his view back to the road. Bringing our hands to his lips, he pecked the outside of my hand and smiled warmly in my direction. I melted into the leather of his seats with a nearly silent sigh. I felt on cloud nine, this was perfect to me.

I didn't allow myself to get too comfortable with the idea of us. This could all be a dream, this could all be a facade that he's putting up. I didn't want to put all my hope into something that may not even be real. His kindness and like for me was just way too sudden. Yes, I'm enjoying every single bit of what's going on, yes I want this with him... bad. But I want first to know if this is real, if this is going to last, if this is really going to be us.

Once inside the restaurant and led to our table, Darien went as far as to pull my chair out for me. He pushed it in gently after me and sat directly across the small round table. I smiled, taking everything in. We were only in a small diner, but I didn't expect him to be taking me to dinner on the moon. Hell I didn't expect him to be taking me out at all, I expected him to be throwing my ass against the damn wall, but here he was being nice as ever. It was lovely, but too weird.

We spent the entire time just talking, laughing, and entertaining each other. Nothing in particular was brought up about us being a family or just simply having a relationship. Nothing was brought up about his new actions. We just chilled like old times and relit a flame that died two months ago. As much as I hate to say it, this baby ruined what I wanted so bad and it maybe wouldn't have been a bad idea to just keep this pregnancy from Darien, everyone honestly. I fought myself so many times when I found out, termination could have easily solved this. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It wasn't too late technically, but mentally for me it was. I had already formed a connection with the life growing inside of me and I was more than determined to bring this child into the world and show them how to be so much better than Darien and me.

Finishing off dinner, we headed home. In the car, I could feel the sexual tension building up thick. It was more unusual than Darien's actions because nothing about tonight was sexual. At all. We had barely even touched each other besides the holding of hands we did.

We arrived home faster than we should have and Darien's eagerness to get him and me out of the car was indication enough that he felt the sexual tension between us. He walked fast, gripping my hands tightly and opening the door quickly. I just trailed slowly behind him as he dragged me. We only got to the middle of the living room before he picked me up by my thighs wrapping them around his waist. He kissed me gently on the lips and I smiled feeling like he was actually going to take his time tonight instead of pounding me just to get his. He walked us up the stairs and into the bedroom. His bedroom, not mine. That made me even happier. He doesn't even like me to walk into his room and say goodnight or good morning, but he's voluntarily about to lay me in his bed. He dropped me onto the bed, making quick work with his hands to get my clothes off. He started with my pants, slipping them over my heels. I was amazed. My jeans were tight as ever and he got them off of me with my shoes still on. After getting me completely naked, he started on his own clothes. He climbed into bed on top of me and started to kiss me soft and deep. He broke apart from me, kissing from my jaw down to my neck. He came back to my lips as he entered me. I moaned into his mouth and he smiled, parting our kiss again. "You know..." I spoke out breathlessly. "I'm starting to think you actually like me." If not immediately, he stopped moving inside of me and pulled out. He stood up, pulling his boxers back on.

"Get out." He opened the door wide and stood there waiting for me.

"What?" I looked at him sideways.

"Get. Out. Stand yo ass up and walk to yo room." As confused as I was, I didn't protest. I wasn't in the mood to get my ass beat tonight. I silently stood up, not bothering to even grab my clothes that were strewn on his floor and made my way to my bedroom down the hall from his.

I sunk into my bed, thoughts going crazy. Was that his problem? The idea of actually liking me? Is that why he acted like this? Before like came into the picture, we were really just fucking and chilling. Everything was good, but now that feelings are involved things are horrible. I'm just not understanding.

I laid there, still in my thoughts. I didn't know what to make of the situation, how to confront him about it later. I fell asleep trying to get it off my mind, but it weighed so heavy. Was it me that he didn't like? Was it love that he didn't like? He sends so many mixed signals, so many mixed emotions. Darien is just a complicated person.

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Okay, so I was told there was more confusion on things like Ashleigh and her fathers relationship and the dinner with her and Landyn's family. I purposely leave things out, it's my story and my choice. I like to leave things to the readers imagination, let you think of reasons why this or that is such way, let you play out how things may or may not have went. I give you the beginning and the outcome, your imagination takes you through the happenings. Some things I'll just give you, others I'm giving you complete creative control of the story. Before the end most of the things will come to the light and you'll find out if you were right, wrong, or almost on point with what's going on. Some things will still be up to your imagination and that's just how it'll be.