We Who Are Jaded

Chapter Thirty Seven

I turned the volume up once more, my stomach turning as I drank in the scenes of devastation. I had walked in such chaos before, Kieran as my guide and it was beyond words, beyond comprehension.

"In the past few minutes there have been negotiations between the protest leaders and government officials with further talks being held later this week. We'll have more on that story at nine. Now, after recent claims of-"

I pressed the mute button, enough reality to sicken me for one evening.

"Poor people. That government is going to hang them high and dry - you watch," Ross murmured, my compliments all but forgotten.

Ross' comment only made me feel guilt, my worried for Kieran and his family and Nate as opposed to the people who had been hurt and killed. Since becoming so involved with Indigo and Red I had lost so much perspective on what it was like to exist in the real world and it bothered me. I was still living and breathing so why was I some caught up in the immortal when my time as a mortal was numbered?

Once more I turned over the channel, numbing myself.

"I did wonder Chris, you never watch the news," Ross said, sitting himself down into the armchair. While Ross was ready, there was no telling when Mum would be.

"I know but sometimes it's good to know what's going on in the world, even if you don't like it," I said, feeling false for saying what it had taken me so long to realise. I was a fraud.

"I like your philosophy," Ross returned, straightening out his long lanky legs and enjoying a moment, however brief, of rest. "Your mum and I are going to be late for our reservation if we're not careful," Ross muttered, checking and rechecking his watch.

"Did you not book the restaurant thirty minutes later than Mum had said?"

"No, why would I?" Ross asked stupidly. I shook my head at him.

"You book thirty minutes later because Mum is going to take that much longer to get ready than she says. Where have you been the past fourteen years?" I scoffed.

"Making sure she's been getting out the door on time," Ross quipped before we both shared a "Christmas will come faster."

"Christmas next year you mean," I corrected. Ross shook his head and retrieved his glasses from his nose, wiping the lenses.

"Do you ever regret those fourteen years?" I asked, really trying to see Ross as more than just a man but as all he'd been in the fourteen years I'd known him; the lover, the protector, the provider, the councilor and the father.

There was a beauty about the expression on his face.

"Not a minute. I love your Mum and you and Jackson so unconditionally. Although your mum is as ditsy as she was the first day I met her I'm glad she's never changed. Vanessa was a challenge and you know how I relish a challenge whether of the numerical or family kind." Ross inspected his glasses and then popped them back onto his nose.

"And me?" I questioned.

"Well that's a whole other ball game. With no children of my own it was hard adjusting to being a father but I enjoyed it. It amazed me how stubborn a three year old could be and then when you grew to dislike me more and more...well then the challenge increased so I rose to it." Ross shrugged, as though nothing in the fourteen years we had know one another had phased him.

"You weren't my dad and that was the problem," I professed flatly, remembering the years of tears, tantrums and downright loathing towards the man Mum wanted me to call Daddy.

"At first I tried to be but when I realised that was what was making you hate me so much more I changed tactic and tried just being...well Ross," he said. He gestured at himself and guffawed at himself.