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Star Fox Adventures

I've been dying to say this, prepare for my rant about the game Star Fox Adventures.

Okay so in the beginning of the game you play as a young girl named Krystal. You're all like, "Wow finally a game where you play as a girl for the main character." So you do what you're supposed to do in the game. Shooting at this ship that's trying to kill you and all, then you get on the ship after you do what you have to do. Wondering around the ship, you end up talking to this bird like thing and then you find a key after a door slides open out of nowhere, and you go back to the bird like thing thinking you'll just talk to it again. But no, a rapture guy named Scales appears and you get into a conversation with him. Some things are said, he starts to hurt the cute little bird, then Krystal (you) runs up to stop Scales, he grabs you by the throat, gives a big speech and then throws you off the ship. However, your bird companion that helped you get onto the ship, saves you and flies off and then you get to this place called Krazoa Palace and investigate it.

After wondering around, Krystal finds the Earth Walker that sent out the distress call, which is Krystal's reason for being there in the first place, and he tells you of the ancient Krazoa spirits. Saying that in order to enter the shrine of a Krazoa, you have to be pure of heart. He's basically telling you that you got to save the spirits and stuff.

More wondering around and doing stuff, Krystal ends up getting to the first spirit, its test being 'The Test of Observation'. So you do the test, you may end up messing up a few times, get the spirit and head back to the Earth Walker guy, and yet another conversation happens with you two. Anyway, after that, you end up finding the first shrine and release the spirit into it (which is apparently painful for the character) and basically all is good... So far. Then someone (either Andross or Scales) pushes Krystal into the purple beam that was coming out of the shrine, and she ends up getting trapped in a giant crystal, ironic ain't it.

And then you realize that it's yet again another game where you play as a guy for the main character, Fox McCloud lead pilot of the Star Fox Team and all that.

You play through the whole game as him, you also get a companion named Tricky, who is the Prince of the Earth Walkers.

One thing though that I'm very curious about is this; we find out Fox's fear (which is being attacked by raptures and a giant invisible General Scales apparently) in one of the Krazoa tests. It just leaves me wondering and thinking, "Well... What the heck is Krystal's fear then? Dying? Pain? Pink? What is it?!?"

.......... that's all.

Actually, no... that's not all. Turns out I have a lot more to say regarding the game.

Okay, so you know how when you play the game that you have to look for the 'Spell Stones' and the weird Krazoa's? Okay, well you basically travel all over the f***ing planet and its torn off chinks to do so (I don't mind that but still!) The stones would've been enough, but no. Once you have returned the first one to the 'Fire Force Point Temple' a freaking Krazoa just had to appear while you hear Krystal saying she's dying and choking a bit as well!

Many things though that could've been out of the game is the simple thing of knowing what will happen and then the characters tell it anyway! Also trying to make a Lightfoot dude sound Mexican and or Canadian when his accent clearly showed that he was neither! To me he sounded like he was from New Jersey and had a sore throat while talking to Fox at any moment!

Then you have Tricky being a dino version take on Slenderman. I mean seriously, if he can go from being told to stay on a square thing in the ground while you do what the heck you have to do, and then be by your side when you're done, but it don't end there. When you turn around he's like three f***ing feet in front of you. I can easily imagine him saying something like 'Surprise Motherf***er' if the game wasn't for kids and the such.

Back to the 'Spell Stones'. One 'Spell Stone' happens to be with this four legged thing of a monster and he swallows it and it ends up getting stuck in his heart or uvula, whatever that was supposed to be in the first place. The second 'Spell Stone' is with three of Scales little soldier/workers in the 'Cloudrunner Fortress' and you have to race against them and bump their ride with yours to kill them, it makes no freaking sense! Third 'Spell Stone' is on the 'Red Eye King' within the 'Walled City', seriously it's just stuck on his forehead, like what? Then the last one is with a dragon dude wearing armor at some place called 'Dragon Rock' which actually kinda makes sense if you think about the name of the place and the fact that you fight a dragon to get the last 'Spell Stone'.

Anyway, now onto the part where Fox first meets Krystal while she's trapped in a crystal, which is still ironic to me. That scene was actually kinda funny, even with its choice of music. But really? Do we need another 'Love at First Sight' memo? Like c'mon Fox! You fell in love with a chick you didn't know until she actually joined your team at the end of the game! Even in the continuation you're still a stuttering mess (somewhat) when she's around. Which is really ironic since in one of the Command endings she leaves you for Panther and joins the Star Wolf Team. Then after being hated by the public for her choice, Krystal leaves that team as well and changes her name to 'Kursed' and Fox doesn't even recognize her when they meet again on some planet that he was sent to on a mission.

Whoa, I strayed and talked about Command for a bit, heh-heh... uh... whoops.

Sorry. Back to Adventures! So once all the spirits and stones are back where they belong, you find out that Andross has returned and claims to be 'The Ultimate Krazoa God!'. This guy has returned who knows how many times after being defeated or killed! Dude seriously! Quit being a f***ing stalker Andross! I swear you're like only after Fox each time you come back.

Now just one last thing, leading back to knowing what you have to do and the characters tell you it anyway. When Tricky's mom tells him and Fox that his father is being held prisoner in the 'Walled City' it's just like plane obvious even before then. I mean you know he ain't with the Queen, so you know that he's held prisoner somewhere. Then another time at the 'Walled City' one of the Earth Walkers tell you, "Our King is being held within the temple!". Well no freaking duh!

And the fact that a small as hell fox armed with no weapons, other than Krystal's staff, which wouldn't really be his if it wasn't shot out of Krystal's hands by a giant fire ball rock thing in the first place! Like really? The way she held it, you knew it was gonna be dropped or knocked out of her hands anyway. Anyway back to Fox being sent to fight the little T-rex's compared to their 'Red Eye King'. It still makes no sense to me but that's just my opinion though.

Okay I am now done with my rant of 'Star Fox Adventures'.