latibule ➳ bucky barnes

24. trapped

"Maybe she already fought too hard, to survive." Clint said pessimistically, "maybe she ain't got any fight left in her."

Bucky opened his mouth to say something to counter such a statement, but no sound came out of his mouth. Clint was right. Perhaps she fought too hard to actually survive, and she just had no spirit left in her to continue. Perhaps she was just sick of fighting.

It was frustrating. They finally got her back. They finally got Anastasia back, yet it was as if they hadn't at all. She was in their reach, yet she wasn't. They got her back, only to watch her silently suffer as they could do nothing but sit there and hope for the best. They were so close yet so far, and it drove Bucky mad.

"Maybe." he found himself saying, not bothering to sugarcoat it any longer.

"Ever thought about what happens if she's gone?" Clint questioned.

"Sometimes." Bucky admitted quietly, "but I don't like what I see."

He wasn't stupid or irrational, he knew there was a chance Anastasia would not make it. Late at night, when he wasn't envisioning how her awakening would be, he imagined what it was like if it was the opposite. The tower was already so colourless, with her gone for good, he didn't know how he'd cope living here. Every single place reminded him of her. There was a memory for every room, every furniture, every space.

The tower was filled with her ghost. It was haunted with vivid memories that would only drive him insane if she finally let go of that rope binding her to this world.

Clint leaned back against the sofa and sighed deeply, "Fury wants me for a mission tomorrow, like he thinks I can get my god damn head in the game. Probably'll get my ass kicked out there." he laughed slightly, "and when that happens, well, there goes what's left of my dignity and pride."

A small smile appeared on Bucky's lips. "You kiddin' me? What are you even supposed to be doing? Thought he would give us a break after we destroyed that HYDRA base."

Clint scrunched up his face in disgust, "some mission in Budapest, again. Last time I was there... there weren't any fond memories..."

"What happened?"

"You don't wanna know... trust me."

"How long?"

"A month." Clint shrugged, "maybe more, but I highly doubt that."

"Good luck." said Bucky, patting Clint's shoulder. In a way, they bonded and fixed their relationship over Anastasia.

"Better prepare." said Clint. He turned to Bucky and said, "she better be awake when I get back."

➳ ➳ ➳ ➳ ➳ ➳ ➳

Everything was dark, but Anastasia had come to acknowledge the darkness. She didn't physically feel any pain, she didn't have to deal with any problems, she didn't have a care in the world, or so she thought.

It was strange. Even though she couldn't physically feel pain, her chest always felt heavy. It felt as if pieces of her was missing, scattered in a world beyond the darkness that was reachable, yet it wasn't. There was always a light that beckoned her towards it, but some invisible force stopped her from reaching it.

She was a coward really, she didn't want to take a risk. After taking that gigantic risk at the HYDRA base and getting herself beaten half to death, she lost all her will. She just wanted to curl up into a ball and be at peace for once in her life. No responsibilities, no world crisis, just peace.

This was the perfect place to escape. It was literally nothing, and there was no one but her. She liked the isolation, the quietness and solitude. It was calm, it wasn't chaotic like the world out there. There was no one to judge her, so she could be herself.

She missed everyone though. She missed Tony, she missed Bruce, she missed Thor, she missed Maria, she missed Loki and Clint and Nick and Sam and Steve and Natasha, but most of all, she missed Bucky and Chase. She missed spending lazy days with them in the tower, eating meals together, having movie marathons and just spending time with them. She missed Bucky's arms, the smell of his cologne, the feeling of his hand holding hers, the giddy feeling she'd get when he kissed her. She missed Chase's sometimes inappropriate but still hilarious jokes, her shyness towards strangers, her bubbly personality, her wise advice on any and every subject.

Sometimes she would hear their voices. It sounded like echoes resonating through the blackness she now lived in, but the words were distorted and barely recognizable. She tried to call out to them every time, though when she opened her mouth no sound would come out.

Then, before she could try again, the voices were gone.

Anastasia thought perhaps it could be her imagination. It could be her mind playing tricks on her from being alone for so long. Whatever it was, it frustrated and saddened her greatly. She could hear the voices of her closest friends, yet they weren't there. It was still the darkness.

She was still alone.