Love is Fragile

To my Husband

To my Husband,

I wrote this in case of the worst outcome. I love you so much, Caleb. You are the reason I breathe, the reason I wake up. Having the experience of a pregnancy with you is the most wonderful thing I have ever been through; other than falling in love with you. You will always be the one I cherish and the one I will never regret. I still remember the moment I ran into you. Looking back now, I never really noticed the coffee also spilled on you. But you still gave me a ride home, allowing me to change out of my clothes. You have always put me first and I have never felt that before. It all felt so normal, when it came from you. Being your number one was like a drug and I so wanted to up the doses. I know it's had to have been difficult dealing with me, but you aren't easy either. But no matter how many arguments and disagreements, I will never love you less. I also have never wanted easy, as the famous Hunter Hayes wrote, "I don't want Easy, I want Crazy". I know I'm obsessive, wide-eyed, and a little controlling, but you have showed me, in more ways than one, that you still love me anyways. I know raising a child on your own looks absolutely terrifying, but that's the thing. You're not alone. You have countless of people who would love to help; even if I'm not one of them. Of course I'll miss our little rascal grow up, but I know she's in wonderful care. When we got married, we became one. So make sure you tell her, that even though it feels like only daddy is hugging her when she's scared, mama is also there too. Let her know that her mom is holding her hand too when you cross the street. Do me one favor, let her know about me. You don't have to go into detail, but I at least want her to know who I am.
Don't forget me either, Mister. I'm counting on you to remember me. I know it'll be hard and painful to think of me for a while, but you'll learn that it's not a weakness, it's a strength; just like how I learned my love for you is not a weakness. I don't want to lift myself up, but I like to think that I bring out the best in you; the same way you bring out the best of me. You have always been there for me. It didn't matter if it was Katie's old boyfriend hitting on me, or when you basically forced me to push out all my bottled feelings, or even recently saving me from my angry family. And don't forget when you saved me from freezing to death, and taking my place in a coma. You're always there. And I love knowing that.
One thing that I would like for you to know, just in case I don't live to say it myself is thank you. Thank you for letting me love my life. Without you, I'd still be in fear, without hope of happiness. I was on the brink of giving up on love and then you came running into my life, and I failed at trying to push you away. You didn't give me the chance to pull away, you didn't let me keep it all from you; and now I know that was for the better.
You have changed my life so much. I can't even count how many times you've saved me; whether from others, or myself. You literally saved me from frozen waters.

You have saved me, now let me save you. I love you so much, you can't even measure it! The thought of leaving you broken hearted causes my own heart to break. The thought of you staying behind, broken and hurt, is painful. I can't just leave you; I won't. Death won't separate us, I love you too much to allow it to. So, I need you to learn how to be happy. Let another teach you and show you how to open up the way you taught me. Don't hide in a hole from the world, but please don't put a for rent sign on your property (Metaphor). There are so many women out there who would be lucky to know you, to be loved by you; I would know, I had the privilege of having that knowledge. Don't let Rayne (what I have finally decided her name should be) grow up without a mothers hand to guide her. I know it'll be hard, moving on sucks, but if not for Rayne then for me. I can't bare to think about you being unhappy. I don't want to think about you crying yourself to sleep because you lost your wife. You can cry; yes, I would too. You can get angry; I would understand. But don't forget that Rayne watches you. Rayne will look up to you. Without a mother, she will look to you for comfort, sympathy, and even discipline. She will need her father, and I trust you with my life to raise her. You don't need me to help you, you just want me to help you. You're Caleb Thompson; you can do anything.

I just wanted you to know, for sure, that I love you. You're the reason I am who I am today. You helped me become the strong, woman I am today. You taught me how to love, now I hope to give that back. Don't forget me, but don't give up on happiness just yet. You are a strong, defiled and independent man, no one can tell you you can't parent.

I love you, Caleb. I love you to the moon and back, to the stars and around each and every planet. You will always be my savior, and I wouldn't change that for the world. Take care of my Rayne and don't you dare forget me.

"Until death do us part"
Is so under-rated

I love you,

Isabelle <3