17 • Boundaries

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Roman

I stared at myself in the mirror at the dress that hugged every curve of my body. I ran my hands over the front smoothing it down and turning to the side to make sure it fit the way I wanted it. My make up was flawless and covered every bit of the stress imprinted on my skin from the night before.

The minute I touched down in France, I was being pampered in every way possible. It was a bit overwhelming but I accepted it so that I didn't have to hear Lance's mouth for the next two weeks. He split the trip in half so that we were spending a week here and a week in Dubai. I found it flattering that he would kiss the ground I walked on but I didn't play into his advances. I wasn't ready for that kind of attention.

"Ms. Cannes?" Laura called for me. I turned my head and smiled her way. "Are you going to put on your jewelry? Mr. Gross will be arriving in a few minutes,"

"I think I'm going to wear my own," I informed. I was uncomfortable wearing the jewelry that Lance picked. The pieces were nice but they were a little too flashy for me. He was trying really hard to impress me and I've told him countless times that it didn't take all of this. I was already attracted to him, all he needed to do was hold my attention. This was the one thing I hated about starting over, I had to get used to somebody not knowing me but at least he was open to learning.

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Let me know if you need anything,"

I nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed. We were staying at one of the homes he owned here. It was beautiful—three-story victorian styled estate. The inside resembled much of a castle and had a royal feel to it. It was different but nonetheless interesting to look at. We slept in different rooms, each on different ends of the house. I was content with that, him not so much but what choice did he have?

I laid back on the bed running my hands along the knitted comforter. I'd give anything to lay in this bed all day. My mind wasn't clear, and my body was rejecting every hand that wasn't my husbands. I was pathetic and disappointed in myself. I've allowed him to do so much wrong and turned the other cheek because I've found that forgiving him was easier than leaving him. As bad as it sounds, relaxing was less complex when he was near.

I felt safe with him. He knew me better than anyone—inside and out. I wasn't ready to give that up. Maybe I was holding on to hope or maybe I was afraid of change. Being with him sucked now but at one point, being with him had me ready to risk it all and in a way I still did. He is the only man I've ever loved and trusting someone new didn't quite sit well.

I sat up and grabbed a tissue from the dresser and dabbed my cheeks dry. I hadn't meant to start crying but lately it's been something I couldn't control. I needed to get up and keep busy. If I didn't, I'd ruin this trip for everyone.

I grabbed my bag and pulled out one of my birthday gifts from Aubrey—a single studded Cartier bracelet. I decided to wear it. It was the perfect size and a perfect fit for the dress. The chain was thin so I was super careful while putting it on.

I ran my fingers across the necklace that draped around my neck. It was also a gift but one from Bleu and his kids. They remembered my love for Disney and added a Mickey Mouse charm to it. It didn't match with anything I had on but I refused to take it off. Whenever I needed a little boost, this is what gave it to me. I missed those babies. With everything going on, I hadn't had much time to spend with them. I'd gotten a few updates from their mother but that was it. I smiled to myself making sure to remember to call them when I got back to the states.

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